Decisions, Blame and Joy

So much to do, so many decisions to make and questions about it all. What to do next, what direction to take, which road is the one I want to be on and is it what it appears to be?

This is my current place in life, I expected it, I think I actually wanted it and now I have it, woo-hoo!

Do not get me wrong, I am not complaining about it, much, but one thing I realized on my trip was the answer for a question that I have been asking for many years and I often hear from friends, family and clients, "What am I supposed to be doing, what direction should I be going in?" Personally, I tend to throw in the "G" card as if it makes it a more valued question and not just the bigger excuse it really is.

On rare occasions, I find that the Universe has a specific plan set up for an individual, usually it is about following a general path of character and the one thing so many of us, myself included, seem to hate; making a decision.

Some of us like to get the opinions of others and then internally shift any responsibility or blame onto those who we listened to, God gets this one a lot I am sure...  LOL

Simply put it is all our choice and our decision to make, everything, every day.

What we forget is that, as Joseph Campbell used to say, "Follow your Bliss!" Your bliss is your Spirit passing along what is the correct answer, and only becomes problematic when we ignore it.

One thing to be aware of, bliss is not always what brings the easiest or happiest path in the short-term, in fact I find that from the short view it is often the harder and more painful of the options, at least at first. Most often it is the fear we have placed into our decision making process that causes our next step to seem so difficult.

I am in one of those places right now, I want to pursue my writing; both the Spiritgeek in general, like this blog, and the work with people in one-on-one settings, but I also need to come up with that lovely stuff called cash which seems to push toward getting a more traditional job, at least in the short-term.

So while I stall in making my final decision, not really final as I can always change it, I am working on both paths to see where they both may lead in the next week or so. I am actually open to either as one appears to be more direct, but the other may just be a way of taking care of other things that I may need before the other is quite ready.

So what am I going to do? I will know soon enough, I have been getting my personal little signs, I call them my déjà vu moments so I am reasonably comfortable with where I am and what I am doing. I find my inspiration to be a great help and am SLOWLY learning to trust it.

I know that joy is mine and that all things are perfect for their time and place and as much as I like to think otherwise; that includes me. If it includes me, it includes you as well!

ॐ शान्तिशान्ति
Robert Allen

Mission San Juan Capistrano

OK, what can you say about Mission San Juan Capistrano?

Well, it's being restored beautifully and the entrance made me think more of a hotel than a historical sight.  Well my guide book did say they were "public ready" so I guess I should have expected it.

I didn't get to take the tour, just to tired to do all the walking and I needed to start working on the next leg of my trip, four to five days walking across Orange County to get to San Gabriel.

Now my OC friends will not exactly love this, but I have never really been a fan of the OC.  I find it over-planned and over-developed and large chucks of it could be picked up and dropped into another area and no one would even notice.

So it looks like I'm going to be going through Mission Viejo, Irvine, Santa Ana, Orange, Anaheim, Brea, Whittier, Monterey Park and into San Gabriel.  Can we say FUN FUN FUN?!?

One route suggestion had me walking PCH to Huntington Beach and then walking Beach Blvd all the way up.  OK, I was saying about boring?  I've nearly fallen asleep driving on Beach Blvd so a few days walking it just does not ring my bell.  Ha ha ha, Robert makes an El Camino Real joke.

This is the beginning of the leg that I am most not wanting to do.  I go WAY inland and not a lot of non-city to deal with, so I see a lot of strip malls, residences and the usual urban sprawl for at least a couple of weeks, approximately 143 miles, a bit over double what I have done so far (not counting the bus across Camp Pendleton).

I am hoping my feet get their act together and let me increase my mileage, I have been averaging about 12 mile a day and I would like to get that up to 20-25. When your feet say, "ENOUGH" you either stop or seriously pay for it later.

I was reading something online that may help, had to do with taking the boots off and letting my feet breath and dry more often, I have been avoiding that since it takes me SO long to get them back on and the best times for me to do such things, Starbucks breaks, etc, they really frown on my running around barefoot.  Oh well...

Had a potential problem, when I stopped in Oceanside for a day off at the RV Park, when I took the tent down on Sunday, one of my poles had a bubble right smack dab in the middle of the segment.  Of course it then broke when I set the tent up last night, fortunately there was a Big 5 on the way. Unfortunately, the direct route has a "No Pedestrians" section so I had to work a detour, no to bad.

So, I get to the Big 5 Sporting Goods - Capistrano Beach and I ask the helpful associate if we can solve my tent issue.  Since I bought it at the Culver City store and I don't have the receipt he cannot replace the tent.  I don't want to replace the tent, but maybe one of the pole sets.

The best he can think of is to sell me a replacement pole segment which looks to long and we are not sure it will fit.  He grabs a box of my tent from the shelf, strangely open on both ends, and takes it and the spare to the Store Manager, Nick. Nick is not sure if the replacements will work, but when we tell him what happened with the original set, he tips the box and out slides the poles from this open tent, he hands them to me and says have a safe trip!  Nick is my new Customer Service God!

So, I'm waiting for my emergency battery to finish charging, but I'm kind of wanting to get out of here.  I want to get a couple of miles in and I am burning daylight.  It should be nearly complete and I can always finish at the next Starbucks I run across and it charges my phone at least four or five cycles before draining itself (thanks Mr. G!).

Anyhow, enough rambling, I need to finish this up and post it so I can be ready to get out of here when they close in a half-hour.  Later!

The California El Camino Real in June

I have been trying to figure out how to notify my friends, family, clients and readers about my upcoming life event.  I have never really been much of a PR type, so I guess I don't really think much about such things.

I wrote a letter to a dear friend and when a couple of others read it, they both seemed to think it explained things very well.  The person who it was sent to has promised to give me a detailed response on Monday, so I am waiting for that...

So I am copying a slightly edited version here, leaving out personal information only, I hope this explains what I am trying to do and why I will be a little out of touch for the next 6-8 weeks.

For those who would like to help financially, please click this button:

Blessed Be!
ॐ शान्ति शान्ति

---

Hey ---,

Got busy running errands and trying to finalize details for my trip.

I started looking for a job, but was having difficulty figuring out more about what I wanted, other than NOTHING in the Limo biz… LOL It became fairly apparent to me that I was really just looking for something to do until I figured out what I really wanted. The only thing I really wanted was to follow my Spiritgeek path and try to reconnect with what seems to have gotten lost over the years.

Now that I think about it, I have realized that I didn't loose it, but I suspect that I put it away for safe-keeping while I explored this world from the perspective of the majority. I've always suspected that we are most often so unhappy because we never really learned to be happy. There's a certain amount of truth in that, but I have also come to realize through the last 25 years or so that we are addicted to our misery and we, obviously, do not have to be. So for me, it is now time for me to reclaim what I have put away and figure out how to pass that along, or determine that I am barking up the wrong tree and find it is only a symptom of the real problem, possible…

The first thing that I need to do, is to shed this addiction and the persona that it has created and return to the "I" (pardon the awkward grammar but I suspect you know what I mean). The opportunity has presented itself and I just "know" that I need to do it now, or it will never happen. I started getting hints from the Universe, the largest being a resurgence of a long-held wish to just walk, get away from everything that I have allowed myself to be addicted to, it's like heroine really. I have thought about walking across the Southern US for years, planned half-a-dozen routes from LA to Ma's Ashram in Florida. I would still like to take that trip, but I fear the first 1000 miles of desert to start, especially in the Late Spring and Early Summer.

The El Camino Santiago in Spain, the Way of St. James, made several appearances in my life from books to television mentions. If you are not familiar with it, it's a 500 mile trek across Northern Spain that has been followed for over a thousand years. If I had the money, I would like to have walked the El Camino Santiago, so I figured that until I can, I would do something a bit more local, it will just have to wait till later. I was going to just walk up the coastline when a friend recommended doing the Mission Trail Friar Serra took with the California Mission System he founded from San Diego to Sonoma.

I'm going to document the trip and stop at several related places along the way, SRF's Hermitage in Encinitas, the Mother Kali Temple in Laguna and other religious and spiritual locations on the way and currently plan to end my journey in Nevada City, CA about 150 miles Northeast of Sonoma at Ananda Village, founded by Kriyananda, a student of Paramahansa Yogananda. That part has not been decided on as of yet.

--- has offered to help me monetize the trip if I document it. As he put it, "Do this to reclaim your life, then let's allow it to pay for your life." So I have help on that part.

There are a few benefits for doing the Mission Trail, I have a stop every few days, the longest gap between missions would be about 3-4 days so I can check in regularly even if no other locations present themselves en route.

I really need some time away from "my life" and the more I think about it, the more I am looking forward to it. I expect it to be one of the most difficult and testing things I have ever done, but I'm open to the Universe making it a bit easier at its discretion. LOL

The putting together of the resources has been an interesting experience in guidance from above. I have bought several items for the trip and just picked up the one that seemed or felt right. I started to get some "buyers remorse" since I was putting my life in the hands of some of these items, so I started researching them. I have been consistently blown away with how fantastic the reviews on the items have been, all high praise from people who camp and hike regularly. You would think I actually knew what the hell I was doing…

Also, several other "hints" have presented themselves to me as of late. Nearly everyone that I call family is having an exodus from Los Angeles and I have been ready to go elsewhere for a while, just no idea where that would be. I am still contemplating that, but a couple of possibilities have presented themselves already.

On a more practical note, I know this sounds insane. We are taught to be part of a system that I have never really been a part of, just playing the game and it has gotten extremely tedious. If I honestly thought that I could be what I know I have within and still be as integrated in traditional life, I would be more than happy to do it, I suspect it would be much easier on my feet.

I have been trying to do both for several years now and have just been feeling more and more trapped in what I know to be false.

[...]I suspect it should only be a few months, the walk is going to take about 2, unless I run into a collection of spiritual adventures along the way and I suspect that I will land on my feet if I am truly following Source.

Becoming Human from Homo sapiens

I find the basic concepts of evolution to have some interesting aspects, especially when it comes to certain behavior patterns of Homo sapiens. Yes, I could use the term "Humans", but to my mind, Human or humanity is a state of mind and being, not a scientific classification of species (did that piss you off? Good, act human and earn the name).

So, I guess I should start with an explanation of what the difference is between Humans and Homo sapiens, since it is easier to discuss genus Homo and species sapiens, let us start there.

Scientifically, genus Homo, Latin for man (gender-neutral), includes several descendants of the Australopithecine, predominantly separated from one another by the size of the skull's brain cavity. Modern man, specifically species sapiens, Latin for wise, has been quite the evolutionary success, well, at least until recently...

To me, human and humanity are terms that identify the ability to go beyond a singular "me, mine, and our" mentality and see beyond the needs of only the groups that one associates with. To give you an example, ever see the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? One theme is what is called the "Nash Equilibrium" which is simply the theory that there are times when "every man for himself" does not lead to a maximum result, but a cooperative approach would lead to better chances of success.

To put it another way, if Ayn Rand would find it dubious from her perspective of "Objectivism" and its current incarnations amongst the Conservative Right where they would say yes on Sunday, but no the other six days, it is likely to qualify as Human.

“Human: That which recognizes and applies Spirit as a guiding principle to the biological entity that carries many aspects of earlier states.”

Robert Burgener

---

So from an evolutionary perspective we have inherited many "norms" that seem to be inborn into our natures. We want to be accepted by the majority, we have a bit of a herd mentality, we follow the leader, we often strive to pound our round "originalness" into the square hole of the norm.

Just how much of that is inborn and how much of it is cultural, I cannot say. In the vast majority of cultures we find originality somewhat discouraged, so I am inclined to think that the cultural aspect is just a continuation of the evolutionary trait.

Presuming the evolutionary concept, these traits make perfectly logical sense. Traveling in groups, cooperation, and not standing out make survival much easier for the individual. We are no longer running from predators that want to make us lunch. These traits are becoming less valuable to the whole and in many ways they are becoming stifling and potentially detrimental to the future growth of Homo sapiens as a species, evolution continues and older traits may need to be discarded.

It is inevitable that at some point awareness should surpass that whence it came, it will involve changes and if one lesson from evolution is more prevalent than most, it is our dread and near hatred of change.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You were born an original. Don't die a copy”

John Mason
It is becoming time for Homo sapiens to begin to assess the past and begin the process of awakening to the awareness that is inevitably the future unless we wish to devolve as a species. Though it is only my personal opinion, I suspect that this is a process that we need to get onto quickly, we appear to be creating potential damage and it is likely to take substantially longer to undo what we have already done.

Blessings in Disaster

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

The Declaration of Independence
Thomas Jefferson
As citizens, we often look at the documents of the founding of our country as if they are not part of the world that we live in, they are separate from our day-to-day lives. Yet, it is the direct and simple truths of many of them that make them so special in the annuls of time and writing.

Recently I have been going through a life lesson that has been a direct assault on some of my personal biggest fears. I saw it coming, I knew I was going to need to deal with it, and yet, I put myself through two years of, probably, unnecessary pain and anguish.

Nearly three years ago, I panicked. I was in a place of no money, about to face the real possibility of eviction and a car that was not currently functioning.

In late October two things happened; first, a friend wanted to leave a living situation with two other friends and on paper, well, it looked like it would cut the expenses nearly in half (later I would find out the difference in the utilities would demolish that theory). I had also been looking for a job, and though I really did not want to reenter an industry that I had been in previously, I can always get a job in it. If the job had been acquired just two days earlier, the fiasco of the living arrangement could have been completely avoided.

I was aware that the new employer was a good man, but, as we all do, had a few issues and was known to be a bit volatile. With my past experiences, I thought I could handle it, right…

The new roommates were friends and while living with others always has its challenges, worst case, you go hide in your room for a bit and let whatever pass, sure…

If I had known what the Universe was planning for me, I would have run away screaming like a maniac and considered finding a pretty monastery to cloister myself in.

Instead, I was in a self imposed illusion of safety, at best. The fools paradise started to show its true colors; one roommate was a disaster, so much so that when they gave notice before Christmas, I was elated and thought about throwing a party at the very idea (you know those moments, polite behavior requires you to say "are you sure this is what you want?" But, inside you are doing the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy-Dance).

A few days later, during a discussion of what we wanted in a replacement, the other roommate gave me notice that he was moving as well, well that sucks! Now there are any numbers of reasons I could list that would make it obvious that neither was going to be any help finding replacements and I was working my butt off on the new job.

So on February 1^st I was holding the bag on just short of $1900 a month in rent, work was showing what the reality of the situation was, but I was now stuck. I was working six days a week, plus taking in extra work whereever I could get it.

It was not a complete disaster, the electric bill dropped from over $300 to about $45 (LA DWP stock dropped substantially), a friend ended using one spare bedroom to finish recording an album, some other friends rented the other bedroom for a couple of months while visiting from Europe. It was hard work, but it had some great times.

It took seven months, but when I moved out, I paid the final rent, 1^st and last on the new place, and for the first time in my life, paid movers instead of doing it myself, I consider that to be a major success!

Now that Phase One was complete, it was time to learn the other part of the lesson, Oh, you did not get part one? Stop freaking out! The Universe knows what you need and will provide if you will just let it.

Phase Two was going to be more than just working through it, it would require entering the dark caves of my being and facing some of what have become surprisingly powerful issues with me, the Job (cue dark dramatic music)!

I was quickly aware that this was not a good situation to be in, there were major clashes between my personality and that of my employer. As it was to turn out, it was to be a question of how much a "paycheck" was worth and just what was I willing to participate in to acquire one. As it turned out, I have become quite surprised at just how much!

In the last few months I have been trying to work on other projects while dealing with the issues at work (I really do think "work" should be added to that list of four-lettered words not used in polite society). I saw things deteriorating around me and I began desperately looking for alternatives, should I just get another job in the same industry, pays the bills but not likely to be particularly fulfilling. Should I go into another industry, or maybe the Universe has something else in mind.

I must have been ready, not that I necessarily realized it, as the whole situation finally collapsed in on itself, or in laymen's terms, I got fired. When it happened, I was pissed! After I cooled down, I was predominantly relieved and now a couple of days later, I actually want to thank my former employer for it, I am off the fence, a direction toward tomorrow has been placed at my feet and I will see where it goes.

So back to where we started, The Declaration of Independence, or more directly, when the Universe or Spirit guides you toward things, be willing to pursue them for often one has to declare independence from the now to create tomorrow. The alternative can be a very uncomfortable drop kicking, just saying.

A Eulogy for Ms. Birdie

OK, this is not the blog entry I was planning to write today, I will finish and publish it later, but today, I am in a dark space, I saw it coming, but I ignored it, we all tend to.

There is one thing that we all tend to avoid, the passing of friends, loved ones and family. Many do not accept the idea that pets can be friends, loved ones and family, they obviously have never loved an animal that does nothing but love you back, even when you probably do not deserve it.

My oldest, Ms. Birdie, is on her way to her next life.

I find myself going through all the questions about what to do, how to react, what to respond as we all do when these times come up. It is a fact of life, as Wayne Dyer quotes Deepak Chopra:

“Life is a sexually transmitted incurable decease”

All living things in time pass to be returned to the star-stuff of which their bodies are made and Spirit continues to advance on its journey of education and experience on its way back to Source.

I ask myself if I should do this or that, what is most helpful, what is respectful and appropriate? My two girls are the closest thing I expect to ever have in the realm of children and at my age, possibly the closest thing to a lover.

I have a good day and they are waiting for me to share it, I have a bad day and they are waiting to help me get a grip and give me an outlet for whatever I need to expel.

It is a shame that people spend so much time "not loving", it is such a gift. I am currently working on an inspirational piece and in one of my notes I was contemplating the difference between angels and humans;

Angels are designed around Service at their core while Humans are designed around Love. For an Angel, fulfillment is found through the performance of whatever task has been handed to them. Humans find fulfillment through the manifestation of the Love that is at their core.

I spend so much time writing and talking about how much time and effort we put into judging EVERYTHING! Imagine how much joy we would have time for if we lived life like our pets, loving everything and just being what we are at our core?

Oh, I know that the religions like to tell us that we are evil at the core, that darkness is our nature, and that God will only love us if we live by ideals that even most of his teachers (little less their followers) can live up to. Even Jesus has his moment of doubt, look at the Garden of Gethsemane. If that were not enough reason to question the "official" proponents of the assorted gods of hatred, sadly, that is where a lot of the followers are taught to take their religion.

Love just is, it has no strings attached, no rules to be followed, no "things" that earn it, it is eternally free and is not only abundant, but in unlimited supply. The more of it that you give away, the more that it will find its way back to you and the more avenues you allow it to enter, the more unique places you will find it.

Like a pet who is at the door, love just wants to be let in, love will never desert you, it will never turn its back on you, only you can turn your back on it and I think the biggest travesty is that those who should be telling you this, instead, hold it out like the gold ring on a carnival ride. That is not love, that is a power grab.

So Ms. Birdie, please forgive me for those days I was not the loving being that you were so trying to teach me to be. Thank you for spending such a large piece of your life trying to get through my hard-assed head and thank you for sharing my life, know that you go with love.

Oxymorons pt2 - The "Why"

I reread my last blog entry and I realized that it expressed some of my frustrations with the world of 21^st Century America (the rest of the world is jumping onto the bandwagon as well), but I did not really express why I was putting them out into the world.

For all the altruistic reasons that I can think of, the simple fact is that there were (and are) only three reasons.

1. Those items are some of my personal favorite facepalm moments. We are supposedly an intelligent species, I keep wondering when we will begin acting like one.
   
   
2. A warning of things to come.
   
   
3. I had a plate of cheese and crackers nearby and wanted to have a bit of a wine fest, so I let it rip (next time I will just stick with a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, a better buzz).

The Universe is actually an exceedingly just and balanced place, with both the good and the bad that happens being deserved. People get the reactions to the thoughts and actions that they put out into the world (consciously or otherwise), as well as nation-states getting the leadership (or lack thereof) the people deserve or, more accurately, create (scary thought that).

Many people do not like this philosophy and as often that I hear the examples of good things happening to bad people, as well as the reverse, I find it to be the only way that the Universe and/or Bob (God) could be anything resembling good. Add to this the idea of reincarnation, that multiple lifetimes are involved, and it makes for an excellent and fair system from the big picture, while not so much from the smaller, self-induced amnesiac, perspective.

I spend a lot of time contemplating the likely reaction to the actions of the world today. We are on a path of self-destruction and I cannot help but wonder if George Carlin was right when he reminded us that "Saving the Planet" is an arrogant self-indulgent statement, the Earth will definitely outlast mankind, it's us that needs the saving if we wish to continue to live here.

Life will always exist on this planet, the question is if it will be compatible with our current form, homosapien.

It is out of compassion that I bring these things to your attention.

Compassion of this type is like telling someone they are about to step into a bear-trap, it is rarely appreciated, but, in my opinion, is preferable in that it allows the avoidance the oncoming pain. Sadly, we tend to be so focused on our perspective that we dismiss the warning, step into the trap and then blame the person who warned us for not being more forceful(?) with it (a no win situation for sure, now you know why prophets tend to keep their mouth shut).

It reminds me of the old joke:

The river is rising and Mrs. Smith's house is flooding, a truck comes by and offers to take her to higher ground, "Oh, no thank you, I have faith in God to protect me."

The water rises higher and a boat comes by an offers to take her to safety, and once again, the response is, "Oh, no thank you, I have faith in God to protect me."

Finally, the water is up to the roof and a helicopter drops a ladder to her and still she says, "Oh, no thank you, I have faith in God to protect me."

Eventually the water rushes over her and she drowns in the swollen river. Mrs. Smith comes before God and asks, "I had faith in you to protect me, why did you allow this to happen?"

God looks at her and says, "I sent a truck, a boat and even a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

So I ask you, what more do YOU expect and what will it take to motivate you to change things, or do you like where they are going?

Of course, there is the off chance that I am just a bit pessimistic and Politicians and Corporations really do have our best interest at heart and I am just to short-sighted to see it (sure, and donkey's fly).

Oxymorons of our day

I hear people complain about what they see as wrong with the world (I am amazed how much of this time is spent with the dog-and-pony show presented by the media), but the vast majority are not willing to actually DO anything, they would rather go hang with there friends at the club or watch TV until their brains turn into something with the consistency of tapioca.

If we continue our current path of apparently shortsighted and selfishness as a people, what does that say about us and where will it take us?  So I hereby place a few of the most obvious (to me at least) political/cultural oxymorons of our time;

1. How have we convinced people that their children do not need an education while at the same time discussing the dumbing down of the nation and its inability to raise children who cannot compete in the global marketplace?
   
   I hear people talking about the privatizing of basic social services, from schools to even police and fire departments. Should I be happy when I see a child carrying a textbook that is labelled as "sponsored by Company-X?" Can I count on it being accurate?
   
   
2. How was it that the poor and middle-classes have been convinced that any social safety-net should be done away with during a difficult economic time, but the mega-rich deserve to keep tax cuts that would have paid for it all, not new taxes but the expiration of a temporary easements, that's why they were called "tax cuts" to begin with. Has anyone noticed the Reagan's "Trickle Down Economics" seems to have been dammed somewhere between the mega-rich and the middle-class, not to mention the lower-class.
   
   
3. I remember being told that "Freedom of the Press" was what made us so much better than them, but the press in this country is no longer free, I would propose that it is currently less free in America than it was in the former Soviet Republic's "Pravda".
   
   In today's United States, the slavery of the press is not to the government, but to the corporations that either own the media or pay for and extort the media through advertising.
   
   
4. When people think Rush Limbaugh is a reporter, he's a political commentator (analyst at best) last time I checked, and Fox News actually compares itself to political satirists as proof of its validity to be claimed as news, (let's not even discuss "fair and balanced"), what does it say about where we have gone as a nation?

This is by NO means a complete list of issues in this country, but it is a beginning, a place to begin.  The simple fact is that if you think things are bad now, without some course correction, it gets a lot worse.

The longer things are allowed to follow their current path, the harder it will be to not only actually institute change, but the barriers placed by those who have accumulated power will be all that much harder to remove.

So I will leave you with some favorite quotes from one of the Founding Fathers;

“Every government degenerates when trusted to the rulers of the people alone. The people themselves are its only safe depositories."

“Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty."

“I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country.”

Thomas Jefferson

Be an original, swim upstream

I find it amazing how we change as we grow up (ewww) and older (ick). Since I wrote my last entry I have been looking back over my life and I have been very surprised at some of the things I used to do that I would not even consider doing now (as a pseudo grown-up).

One of the best dates I ever had came from a ride home. When we arrived at my place, I leaned over and kissed a nearly complete stranger. I don't know why, I wanted to and instead of being terrified of the outcome I just did it, predating Nike's "Just Do It" campaign by 4 years (Spring of 1984 vs July 1^st, 1988). I got a date out of it since the party kissed was so surprised by it they remembered me and later asked me out.

Some would say with age comes wisdom, I say they should stick that back in their butt where it came from and admit it for what it is, conformity.

We often hear about school students, particularly high school, and how far many will go to fit in, to be accepted and the lengths some are driven to by bullying and by being social outcasts.

As humans, we have a natural tendency to want to be accepted, particularly by our peers, but there are often times when the individual must stand up and say "I WILL or WILL NOT do (fill in the blank) because it is right or what I think or believe."

I am realizing as of late just how much strength and courage it takes to be an original, to swim upstream when everyone else is "going with the flow."

Get in the habit of being an original before you get older, it may be difficult now, but it is much harder to reclaim it later when you have created a life out of conformity.

Once you loose you voice it is even harder to find it again as I have recently become aware.

Problem Solving 101

I have heard it said on many occasions that the only constant in the Universe is change. Depending on the day, ones mood, what the latest change is and how you deal with it will determine you feelings toward this.

I have been going through a plethora of changes as of late. I thought the end of last year was going to be the majority, but so far this year has all been about changes. I sometimes forget that when I go through these moments that I can get so close to them that it is like walking up to a cliff-face, knowing there is something wonderful up there, but being so close, all I can see is the looming wall in my way.

These moments are actually good things, blessings. When you face them, know that it is NEVER insurmountable, and if at all possible, remember that you placed it there. Celebrate the moment of growth that is before you.

I know that sounds a bit silly to many of you, but if you can re-align your perception of the moment from viewing it as an obstacle to viewing it as an adventure, you will find whatever it is to be much easier to get through.

One of my favorite benefits of this view is that it allows you to reclaim your power over the situation. You are no longer its victim or having it done TO you, but now you have the power to DO TO IT what you wish.

The first few times it can seem impossible, but take a step back, a deep breath or two and just look at what is directly in front of you and deal with that. Then you can go on to what appears next, if you deal with it in this way, before you know it, that MAJOR difficulty suddenly becomes a collection of tiny little problems and before you know it, they are all out of the way and you can look back and ask yourself; "What was I thinking?"

Authenticity

About a year ago, I went to a weekend seminar called "The Forum" as part of the Landmark Education Series. I really enjoyed the seminar and left with many interesting insights into the workings of the mind, defined by the context of the Forum as the bio-chemical brain, I define this as the part that acts as a signal processor from the physical world to the Spiritual one, a communications interface between the Physical and Astral bodies.

One of the areas the went into is the idea of "Authenticity" and how most people are inauthentic in their day-to-day lives. I understand this perspective, it is the same one that makes people like Bill Maher feel that all Religion is sheer foolishness and dangerous. When you judge something by the external representations given by men, it is amazingly obvious that many people would feel this way.

I think though, that Landmark and many others are looking in the wrong place for their perspective. The question is not if people are authentic, but WHAT they are authentic to? Simply put, EVERYONE is always authentic to something, but are they aware and/or honest about what it is they are being authentic to?

From the day-to-day perspective of people giving their word to something and then following through, most of us have become so bad at this that we come off as being quite in-authentic, hence the perspective of Landmark et al.

I had a discussion with someone a while back that was the most direct statement of authenticity that I can remember hearing, not only for the direct honesty, but because I truly doubt the person giving the statement had any clue just how honest they were being about the subject.

The details of the conversation are unimportant, but it had to do with the possible drastic measures that could be put into effect if people were not willing and/or capable of following through on their word. The received response was that if that happened that they would quit. The simple and direct statement was not only just a statement of pure authenticity, but showed that they were willing to put themselves through all sorts of extra efforts rather that follow through on the subject.

So what we need to do is not judge ourselves and others as being inauthentic, but to determine what it is that we are being authentic to. I will give you an example from my experience at the "Forum."

I wanted to take Spiritgeek.com from a side project and turn it into the central focus of my life, thus putting myself into the targeting sights of my Forum leader. At the time, I thought she was being really tough on me and not really listening to what it was that I was saying, but the issue was not hers, but mine. I was so listening to the justifications and reasons for what was happening that I had lost focus on what I was being authentic to.

In this particular case and time, I was being authentic to keeping a paycheck coming in, the stability of having my basic needs met by a job that was really beginning to cause me problems. I was becoming more and more unhappy with the current arrangements, but I was willing to pay for my stability, in a mundane sense, with the added stress of the work situation and the lack of peace that I was having in my day-to-day existence.

So the issue was not that I was being in-authentic, but what it was I was being authentic to. What areas are you authentic to that you are not necessarily aware of? Find them, decide if that is where you wish to be authentic in your existence and if not, change it.

Rocky Horror Memories

I am so amazed with Ryan Murphy's show "Glee." Every time I think he has done something that is going to be impossible to surpass, he surprises me. My first amazement was his "The Power of Madonna" show and then he blew me away with his Lady Gaga "Theatricality" episode. I was watching this weeks episode from last night and good luck topping tonight's.

Now I will admit freely that part of the difficulty Ryan's going to have is he hit a topic close to my heart and just completely full of memories; The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The first time I went to see Rocky Horror, I didn't care for it; the audience was constantly screaming, I couldn't hear half the story or the numbers, people were throwing stuff and what I could make out of it did not make ANY sense to me, I never expected to go back.

(Mom and Dad, you may not want to read this as you are going to learn some things you probably did not know and ignorance may just be bliss...)

Sometime around late 1979 to early 1980 I was hanging out with a group of friends and they decided that they wanted to go and I was not very enthusiastic about it.

At this time in my life I was coming to grasp with just what my differences meant in my world of the time, social outcast (or pariah), what was left of my home life falling apart and my beginning to become aware that "I" had no say in any aspect of my home life and I had tended to start spending as little time at home as possible.

I went to the Varsity Theater at 6610 Delmar Blvd in University City and stood in line with a collection of punks, glams and costumed characters waiting around smoking everything from Marlboros to Jakarta Cloves and a few things that are still not legal in most towns. What should I have expected for a movie that only runs on Friday and Saturday nights starting at midnight?

At the Varsity, Rocky Horror always started with a cartoon I cannot remember, the video intro to Meatloaf's "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth" followed by "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" and finally Tim Curry's "I Do the Rock." The room would go dark and a giant set of lips would begin to appear on the screen while a cast of live characters would do the "Science Fiction/Double Feature" line dance, kinda a Bob Fosse on a lazy day (I still remember all the steps and motions -- frightening).

Needless to say, by the end of the evening I was hooked. I really got into what was going on and made a collection of new friends and acquaintances that did something no one else in my life had until that time, like and accept me for me, not what they wanted me to be.

As I said, things at home were not going well and the Psychiatrist my family had me going to creeped me out completely so I was not getting any "therapy" there. Rocky Horror became my new therapy. I could go every Friday and Saturday night, let my hair down, be myself, enjoy everything and release the last week's frustration and anxiety.

Very quickly I became friends with and later joined the "cast" as Riff Raff, the Butler/Handyman. I spent time and what little money I had at the time to buy a tailcoat and made a hunchback out of an old military backpack I had which also came in handy for the additional props one takes to Rocky Horror; rice, newspaper, water pistol, lighter, rubber gloves, noise-maker, toilet paper, toast, party hat, bell, cards and hot dogs.

I made such an effort to go EVERY week, I rode my bike about 10 miles each way on many occasions, I even "borrowed" my parents car once in a while to get there. I remember fighting with my parents about going to that "cult" film and trying, in vain, to explain that this was not the Moonies but a regular group of people who return week after week.

I will never forget one night on the way home with a group of friends when I made the fateful decision to be the last person dropped off and we got pulled over for having a headlight out. I had the pleasure of being carted off to the local police station, in full costume and makeup, then transported to Juvenile Detention for being out after curfew and I enjoyed sitting in a holding cell till around 9 or 10 the next morning before my step-mom came to pick me up.

As the years went on, I would continue going to Rocky in cities all over the country and recently decided to finish the last 12 theater viewings to make 1000 shows (I don't count video and DVD viewings, not nearly as much fun). Likely I will finish this off at the Nuart Theatre in West Los Angeles.

For me, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" has been one of those threads that has joined all the periods of my life through the years. I have met people that have amazed me in their variety and joy, all brought together by a film about a cross-dressing mad scientist, his creation and the innocent young couple who stumbles across an intergalactic party, set to fun music that has kept it's joy for 35 years.

So Ryan, I salute you for your comment about why Rocky Horror spoke to me and all those like me:

“It [Rocky Horror] was for outcasts, people on the fringes who had no place left to go but were searching for someplace, anyplace, where they felt like they belonged.”

Will Schuester

History Repeats Itself... again

I am often amused by watching the statement from George Santayana, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" happen again and again.

We are getting ready for mid-term elections in the US and the same old tricks are coming out, I sometimes wonder what it says about a country that falls for the same trickery every two years?

One REALLY obvious example is in California with Prop 19, an initiative to legalize marijuana and tax it along the same lines as alcohol and tobacco.

Most people are unaware that pot was criminalized in the 1930s at the behest of the cotton industry that did not want the competition from hemp. Sadly, the hemp plant is both hardier and less detrimental to the fields unto which it is grown and can yield several crops per year where cotton tends to leach the soil of its nutrients and being notoriously difficult to grow and process. The other use was an excuse.

I often think of George Carlin's famous discussion of pot use in one of his acts where he posed the question, "What's the worst crime a pot-head is going to commit? Steal a Twinkie?" The crime attributed to drugs is most often either victimless, use or possession, or due to the unavailability by criminalization and that raising the cost.

We have apparently not learned the lesson of 1919 with the prohibition of alcohol with the 18^th Amendment to the Constitution and the subsequent 1933 repeal with the 21^st Amendment. As a nation, the US should have learned a lesson that you cannot prohibit anything as long as there is a demand for the product. Apparently not.

We spend millions and billions pursuing the illegal drug trade in this country and the D.E.A. admits that illegal drugs are more available now then at any time, in other words, it has been not only a complete failure but a waste of resources that could just as easily been put to much better use.

On top of that, we have made many people excruciatingly wealthy as the suppliers and overloaded our jails with non-violent offenders that did nothing more then be in possession of a substance that as adults should be their choice.

I am neither for nor against drugs from a moralistic point of view, people will do what they want no matter what I or society says, history has shown this to us repeatedly.

Know what the largest killer of illegal drugs is? Overdose. This is most often caused by the lack of regulation and quality/quantity control. People are used to getting some drug at some level of potency and then they get something much more potent and die.

If people want it so badly, let them do it, or take away their alcohol and nicotine as well. Maybe Canada has a good idea with tobacco. They tax the hell out of it to pay for the additional costs of dealing with the later health effects caused by its use, maybe some variation could be used here.

For me it breaks down as follows, why can we always come up with the money to do something that history has repeatedly shown does not work. Since we are so busy spending money on these wastes, we cannot fund education and public programs that could benefit all society. I get so tired of hearing how children and the ill are constantly getting funding cuts when we throw away this money.

I am waiting for someone to explain the logic of this to me as I just do not get it.

The site for the Proposition

Some Geek Beauty

OK, I am earning geek points tonight. Friday night and I'm finding beautiful videos to watch. Sometimes inspiration will take you to places you would never expect.

So here are the best of the vids! They are all beautiful and I stumbled across them looking at a random tweeter who followed me. There is still so much beauty in the world and it now comes in interesting and varied forms.

Enjoy!



An Inspirational Video 1 - The Law Of Attraction
http://leadoutloud.ca/




Inspirational Quotes & Quotations
http://selfimprovementsguide.com/

Loving an Opposing Inspiration

Earlier today, I ran into someone on Facebook that I had not heard from in ages, Joni Eareckson Tada. Now it turns out that it is really more of a fan-page as she does not actively participate from the look of it.

When I was a kid, I ran across the book "Joni" which touched me in a way that few books ever have. It is the story of a young woman, Joni Eareckson, with everything ahead of her that has a diving accident one summer and ends up a quadriplegic and her coming to grips with that and the skills she found after-wards. I was so impressed with her artwork that I used to own a piece many years ago.

I had the pleasure of meeting her in 1981 during my great Southern California adventure that I have written about in the past.

One of the things that surprised me was the near immediate response that I received from several friends that were shocked that I would "Like" her since she is a signer on the Manhattan Declaration, a call for assorted Christian members to not comply with laws against their religious beliefs in areas like abortion and same-sex marriage. I believe that I had heard about it on the news, but I did not pay it any heed, why should I?

One of the areas that the Christian Right has never understood is that a law saying such things may happen do not require you to partake in them. I have always found it somewhat laughable to listen to people who act as if legalizing same-sex marriage means straight men are going to be required to do so or that Roe v. Wade is going to force women to have abortions.

We seem to have developed a culture in this country where if someone disagrees on any one subject, especially a hot button topic, that we are supposed to shun them and disavow any knowledge, friendship or support. I will not do it.

I have found Joni to be a shining star in my life who made me rethink many things in my life over the years and a pillar of strength when I have had tough times, no matter how bad, I still have functional arms and legs.

One of the pieces of the book I have always remembered was a place where Joni's power-wheelchair tipped over in a parking lot and she scraped her face quite badly. Her reply was something like; "why my face, the only place I can feel?" I have had days like that where it was like why this one thing when it was so important, at least in that moment.

I may not agree with everything she thinks and may even be diametrically opposed in some, but that will never take away from the respect I have for her in so many other areas of her life.

Many of the friends that responded badly felt that I had betrayed them, I would say that I have proven my worthiness as a friend in that I will stand by them when they do something I disagree with, it will take more than one thing to get rid of me.

I would say that it is more Christian to show love and compassion for someone against you on some issue than many self-proclaimed Christians offer to those who differ from them. It is easy to love someone who is always with you, but it takes a bit of work to get beyond some disagreement and still be there for them. I believe Jesus commented on this when he talked about loving ones enemies.

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To Joni,

My heartfelt appreciation for your story, your beautiful artwork and for making a young man feel welcome when the opportunity presented itself nearly 30 years ago.

My prayers and hopes, along with Reiki healing energy, to help you get through this troubling time with your recent diagnosis.

Shanti,

Robert

To be willing...

There is an old Indian story that I have heard told many ways, but I tell it like this:

The sage Narada was walking through the forest when he came across a yogi who was sitting under a tree deep in meditation. From the look of things, he had been there for quite some time as his hair was matted and the birds had also made their nests in it and there was much growth around him.

As Narada approached, the sage recognized him and asked, "Oh great sage, what are doing this beautiful day in the forest?"

"I am on my way to visit Lord Sri Krishna in his abode of Krishna-loka" he replied.

The yogi became hopeful and asked, "Oh sage, when you see Lord Krishna, would you be kind enough to ask him how many lives I must complete until I reach enlightenment and am freed from this world of illusion?"

Narada replied, "It would be my pleasure" and then he continued on his way down the road.

Several miles further along, Narada came across a young neophyte who was having some difficulties getting accustomed to his meditations but he was trying and beginning to have some successes.

The neophyte monk also recognized Narada and also asked him for the favor of asking Lord Krishna the number of lives before reaching enlightenment and of course Narada agreed.

Several years passed and once again Narada was on the road when he came across the yogi. When the yogi saw Narada he was overjoyed and asked, "Oh great Sage, per chance did you make it to see Lord Krishna and did you get the moment to ask my question?"

Narada looked at the sage and informed the yogi, "Lord Sri Krishna sends his blessings and asked me to inform you that after the completion of only three more lives, you will join him forever in his home of Krishna-loka."

The yogi was taken aback and began to rage, "Three more? Does Lord Krishna have any idea how many lives I have dedicated to meditation upon his lotus feet and I still have three more lives?"

As the yogi went on, Narada slipped away and continued his way down the road.

When he made it to the neophyte monk, it was apparent that he had begun to have some success in his efforts to go beyond the discomforts of his body. Upon his arrival the young man asked, "Oh great sage, May the blessings of Lord Krishna be upon you! Did you have success in your earlier journey to visit the great Lord?"

Narada, knowing what was coming addressed the young monk, "His Greatness gave me the following instructions for you. Do you see this great tree that you are sitting under? Each leaf represents a life that you must complete before you will acquire perfection through your meditations."

The young monk glanced up into the tree above him assessing the leaves and what Narada had said and replied, "That is not so many, I thank you Narada for your message."

At this, there was a flash and Lord Krishna appeared next to Narada, holding his hand out to the young monk inviting him to join him in his chariot.

The young monk was amazed and asked, "Oh great Lord, I thought I had many lives to fulfill before I would find enlightenment."

Lord Krishna smiled at the young monk and said, "Yes, many lives were before you, but you were willing to perform them in love and faith."

As with many of the lessons in life, we often do not necessarily have to through all the experiences, it is often just enough to truly be willing to do so.

On many occasions in my life, I will see a path before me that is not where I want to go and would not choose it for whatever reasons. When I have have stopped fighting what appeared to be unavoidable and accepted that this may be a path I may have to walk and truly been willing, suddenly alternatives have availed themselves and the unwanted path has fallen away.

When you are presented with areas of your life you wish to avoid, remember that old saying that "what you resist, persists." On some occasions you may have to go through the experiences, but often it may be enough to just be willing and not fight it.

One Idea for a Revolution

As a Life Coach, I get asked about all areas of life, but on many cases, I get asked REALLY difficult questions about the world around us more from the perspective of a Spiritual Teacher. Some times the answers I have to give are more difficult to express than just about anything I address in Coaching.

What makes the answers difficult is most often not the subject, but that they tend to fall back into the laps of those asking, both individually and as a group.

It is human nature to want to pass the responsibility for things somewhere else, on God, on them (whoever they might be, this week) and my personal favorite; the government.

In a few days it is the 4^th of July and in the United States we celebrate our independence and the freedoms that are supposedly guaranteed, but we see being given away on a daily basis. How do we do this and why?

One common way is through manipulation of public perception and that is becoming easier and easier. In my opinion, it began largely when some bean-counter figured out that if his newscast could acquire higher ratings they could charge more for the advertising space, hence the evening news stopped being about informing the public and became about profit.

Many people disagree, but look at how your news has changed, how much REAL information of value do you get? Rupert Murdoch is estimated to be worth some $6.3 Billion and one of his largest holdings is News Corp, better known as Fox, so I do not really think you can deny that there is money to be made in "news".

That takes us to the next level, corporate control of information. Back in the old days, like 50 years or so ago, corporations were very limited and could only be involved in a single industry and could not purchase other corporations without serious overview. Today, with surprisingly few oversights, a corporation can buy most anyone else, has little if any ethos unless it is financially prudent.

How unfettered do you think your information is when it is filtered for its affect on the bottom line, by the parent company of the station/network or a large buyer of advertising space that can threaten to withhold its advertising revenue for failure to submit to their wishes? (BTW, did you know that the Florida State Supreme Court has ruled that it is not illegal to misrepresent the news intentionally?)

I saw a Michael Moore interview where he was talking about the irony of his being carried and distributed by the very companies he denounces in his programs. I think he was right on target when he said that he takes advantage of the lack of corporate morals in that they may not like his message, but there is money to be made by distributing it.

Now do not get me wrong, I am not a fan of modern corporate culture with its lack of conscience in search of profit, they are just taking advantage of what "WE" the people have allowed to become with our apparent attitude of "do whatever you wish, just leave me alone to watch my favorite TV."

Americans seem to live on soundbites, more than 15-20 words and they lose interest, and most sad of all is that the rest of the world seems to be falling in right behind.

I am not anti-TV or anything else, but it is the responsibility of the public to take the time and effort to become informed of the facts, and no, your favorite mouthpieces of ideology or political affiliation rare count as information, more opinion (OK LOUD opinion).

The world is changing around us and if people think it is too much work to fix it now, what makes you think it is going to get any easier in time?

Thomas Jefferson, the principal drafter of the Declaration of Independence, once said that for this country to function properly that "Every generation needs a new revolution" he also warned, "If once the people become inattentive to the public affairs, you and I, and Congress and Assemblies, Judges and Governors, shall all become wolves. It seems to be the law of our general nature, in spite of individual exceptions."

People have begun to fear their governments when it should be the other way around.

If you wish freedom and independence it must be earned by the work of your mind and action. So the next time you are overwhelmed by the idea of something "wrong" in the world around you, look at your part in it and begin your personal revolution of thought and knowledge.

Oh, and one last thought, be very aware of the dog and pony show that you will find in front of the facts, those who can will do anything they can to get you off focus and off on a tangent.

I'm currently online, listening to Reputation Label's "Frantic Friday" show and we started around 200,000 listeners in the first half-hour and at 90 minutes we are at 367,000 listeners! At 15:30 PDT 389,000 listeners!

If you have never been to the show, Fridays 13:00-15:00 (Pacific) 21:00-23:00 (London) you really are missing a lot of fun.Between our main hosts Johnny and Kris Searle, along with Ringmaster Pete, Karen, Mizzy and Monkey, we have a really fun time.

I really enjoy doing the show, the people on it are such fun as well as our audience. It is THE place to spend a couple of hours to start the weekend with.

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The Los Angeles/West Hollywood Gay Pride festivities start today and run through the weekend. I am not sure what I'm going to do about it, I will likely go to the parade on Sunday but I doubt I will go to the festival, never been particularly comfortable reliving lives as a sardine which is how the crowd makes me feel...

We will see on Sunday, just in case.

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The newsletter went out yesterday and I really think it is the best one I have written to date. If you would like to subscribe to the newsletter, click the button bellow:

Only 2 Questions from Freedom

William Shakespeare wrote "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." What an amazing idea and such a shame that most of us cannot or will not.

In my practice as a Life Coach one of the first things we delve into usually is "what do YOU want?" I am very often amazed with just how much of what I get back is negative wants, no debt, not my current job, to lose ten pounds.

When I restate the question and ask for what they want, I keep getting the same types of responses. It seems that we, as humans, have become quite adept at defining our world by what is wrong with it, what we want to change about it.

To truly know yourself, little less to use the Law of Attraction (LoA), you have to know what it is you actually want, even if only in generalities to start with. As sad as that might sound, the other half of this query is probably THE most important question in all creation: "Who are YOU?"

As a Life Coach (and often as a Spiritual Teacher) this becomes a place to start working with my clients since they usually want to make change, but without knowing what one actually wants what do you change and into what?

I suspect a lot of the difficulty comes from our ingrained human need to be accepted and we have been acclimated to the idea that anything out of the "norm" will make us into an outcast. We have a natural want to be liked and wanted and most of the decisions we make in this life is about "looking good."

The largest part of my practice truly comes down to helping people become happy in and with their lives. So we have to start with figuring out who and/or what we are and then what it is we want. To know these alone will put you ahead of the vast majority of your fellow residents on this planet.

As much as we want to be liked and accepted, I find that the VAST majority of people, in the long run, are much more attracted to the real you versus the you that you have become to appease others. Those who do not are most often threatened by your strength to be real and their fear of following your example.

It reminds me of something that happened to me several years ago. I had been on General Relief and out of work for a bit. I had a collection of friends and acquaintances that I had been hanging out with pretty regularly. When I found a job and was no longer always available, most of those people parted company and some were extremely nasty about how they went about it.

The issue was not something I had done, I later found out, but the fact that they viewed me as trying to be better than them, not something I had even considered.

Once you get to know who you are and what you want, presuming it means something to you, you are going to want to pursue that person and as that person brings joy into your life you are not going to be willing to create falsehoods to pretend to be something else.

So to finish off the quote we started from, once you are true to who and what you are, you cannot help but be the true with all those in your life. Imagine the simple freedom you can attain by just being who you already are, if you will just let yourself!

The Beginnings of Recovery

11:00

OK, so something is up... The Universe is conspiring something and I find I am looking forward to seeing what.

I woke up and decided to wear my Buddha shirt to my breakfast with K and R. Afterward I had planned to go over to the Grind or Library and do some writing. During breakfast I asked R what he was doing today and what route he was planning to take. On a spur of the moment decision I decided to go to Lake Shrine. I LOVE it here!

SoCal in February and I could actually get away with shorts and a T-shirt but I am dressed a bit more appropriately. Am I slipping into respectability?!?

Something has been weighing on my heart for a while and I have been in such a funk and verging on depression. I think I will spend the day relaxing and meditating to see what it is I am missing.

I have chosen a great spot to start with, I'm on the landing between the windmill and the waterfall (I never noticed it before). One of the swans just scared the daylights out of me... I suddenly had him(?) swim by and start flapping his wings like crazy, really changed the mood suddenly, but he seems to have settled down for now.

Just being here makes me feel better, I am not exactly peaceful within but I can feel the peace without and may be able to take some of it home. I miss peace at hime. Maybe I can find what it is that I am missing there, it has gone from sanctuary to something else but I can still feel its potential to be otherwise.

There is a turtle that keeps swimming by, almost as if he's keeping an eye out for me and making sure I am OK.

Just taking the day here will at least charge my batteries a bit, they are nearly empty. I have been so disconnected and just drifting on the currents of my life. I feel like I have been trying to steer currents to a destination of my choosing but I forgot or lost my rudder... I will remedy that!

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17:50 aka 5:50 PM

I took a short break from Lake Shrine at noon to make a Communicator call for my Landmark Series, it was the shortest call I have done so far, but it seemed pretty good. I went back in and walked around the lake and stopped in the chapel to meditate for a while.

While I was meditating, a gentleman who had been meditating in the front of the room got up to leave and I could not help but giggle a bit. He was wearing a leather motorcycle outfit and trying SO hard to be quiet and not disturb others, but the harder he tried the noisier he was.

I took some nice photos of the area and will put them on Facebook when I get home.

I finally left about 2:00 and while grabbing some lunch, had an amazing conversation with my Dad that lasted almost 90 minutes. It was unlike anything we have had in the past, no judgments on either side, just two people having a conversation about whatever came up. Those who read my blog entries are likely aware of the difficulties I have had in the past with my dad, not today.

I stopped of at 212 Pier, probably one of the COOLEST coffee houses I have ever been to, to type up and finish this entry, I am beginning to think I may have picked up a bit of a sunburn today, I have that radient heat feeling you get with an minor burn. Oh well, if that is the cost of such an amazing day, COOL!!!!

I am feeling better than I have in months, I may just be about ready for my meeting at work on Thursday and the repercussions in 60 days. Viva le Spiritgeek!

Note:
This entry was cross-posted to both the Spiritgeek Blog and the Personal Journal.