Decisions, Blame and Joy

So much to do, so many decisions to make and questions about it all. What to do next, what direction to take, which road is the one I want to be on and is it what it appears to be?

This is my current place in life, I expected it, I think I actually wanted it and now I have it, woo-hoo!

Do not get me wrong, I am not complaining about it, much, but one thing I realized on my trip was the answer for a question that I have been asking for many years and I often hear from friends, family and clients, "What am I supposed to be doing, what direction should I be going in?" Personally, I tend to throw in the "G" card as if it makes it a more valued question and not just the bigger excuse it really is.

On rare occasions, I find that the Universe has a specific plan set up for an individual, usually it is about following a general path of character and the one thing so many of us, myself included, seem to hate; making a decision.

Some of us like to get the opinions of others and then internally shift any responsibility or blame onto those who we listened to, God gets this one a lot I am sure...  LOL

Simply put it is all our choice and our decision to make, everything, every day.

What we forget is that, as Joseph Campbell used to say, "Follow your Bliss!" Your bliss is your Spirit passing along what is the correct answer, and only becomes problematic when we ignore it.

One thing to be aware of, bliss is not always what brings the easiest or happiest path in the short-term, in fact I find that from the short view it is often the harder and more painful of the options, at least at first. Most often it is the fear we have placed into our decision making process that causes our next step to seem so difficult.

I am in one of those places right now, I want to pursue my writing; both the Spiritgeek in general, like this blog, and the work with people in one-on-one settings, but I also need to come up with that lovely stuff called cash which seems to push toward getting a more traditional job, at least in the short-term.

So while I stall in making my final decision, not really final as I can always change it, I am working on both paths to see where they both may lead in the next week or so. I am actually open to either as one appears to be more direct, but the other may just be a way of taking care of other things that I may need before the other is quite ready.

So what am I going to do? I will know soon enough, I have been getting my personal little signs, I call them my déjà vu moments so I am reasonably comfortable with where I am and what I am doing. I find my inspiration to be a great help and am SLOWLY learning to trust it.

I know that joy is mine and that all things are perfect for their time and place and as much as I like to think otherwise; that includes me. If it includes me, it includes you as well!

ॐ शान्तिशान्ति
Robert Allen

Blessings in Disaster

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

The Declaration of Independence
Thomas Jefferson
As citizens, we often look at the documents of the founding of our country as if they are not part of the world that we live in, they are separate from our day-to-day lives. Yet, it is the direct and simple truths of many of them that make them so special in the annuls of time and writing.

Recently I have been going through a life lesson that has been a direct assault on some of my personal biggest fears. I saw it coming, I knew I was going to need to deal with it, and yet, I put myself through two years of, probably, unnecessary pain and anguish.

Nearly three years ago, I panicked. I was in a place of no money, about to face the real possibility of eviction and a car that was not currently functioning.

In late October two things happened; first, a friend wanted to leave a living situation with two other friends and on paper, well, it looked like it would cut the expenses nearly in half (later I would find out the difference in the utilities would demolish that theory). I had also been looking for a job, and though I really did not want to reenter an industry that I had been in previously, I can always get a job in it. If the job had been acquired just two days earlier, the fiasco of the living arrangement could have been completely avoided.

I was aware that the new employer was a good man, but, as we all do, had a few issues and was known to be a bit volatile. With my past experiences, I thought I could handle it, right…

The new roommates were friends and while living with others always has its challenges, worst case, you go hide in your room for a bit and let whatever pass, sure…

If I had known what the Universe was planning for me, I would have run away screaming like a maniac and considered finding a pretty monastery to cloister myself in.

Instead, I was in a self imposed illusion of safety, at best. The fools paradise started to show its true colors; one roommate was a disaster, so much so that when they gave notice before Christmas, I was elated and thought about throwing a party at the very idea (you know those moments, polite behavior requires you to say "are you sure this is what you want?" But, inside you are doing the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy-Dance).

A few days later, during a discussion of what we wanted in a replacement, the other roommate gave me notice that he was moving as well, well that sucks! Now there are any numbers of reasons I could list that would make it obvious that neither was going to be any help finding replacements and I was working my butt off on the new job.

So on February 1^st I was holding the bag on just short of $1900 a month in rent, work was showing what the reality of the situation was, but I was now stuck. I was working six days a week, plus taking in extra work whereever I could get it.

It was not a complete disaster, the electric bill dropped from over $300 to about $45 (LA DWP stock dropped substantially), a friend ended using one spare bedroom to finish recording an album, some other friends rented the other bedroom for a couple of months while visiting from Europe. It was hard work, but it had some great times.

It took seven months, but when I moved out, I paid the final rent, 1^st and last on the new place, and for the first time in my life, paid movers instead of doing it myself, I consider that to be a major success!

Now that Phase One was complete, it was time to learn the other part of the lesson, Oh, you did not get part one? Stop freaking out! The Universe knows what you need and will provide if you will just let it.

Phase Two was going to be more than just working through it, it would require entering the dark caves of my being and facing some of what have become surprisingly powerful issues with me, the Job (cue dark dramatic music)!

I was quickly aware that this was not a good situation to be in, there were major clashes between my personality and that of my employer. As it was to turn out, it was to be a question of how much a "paycheck" was worth and just what was I willing to participate in to acquire one. As it turned out, I have become quite surprised at just how much!

In the last few months I have been trying to work on other projects while dealing with the issues at work (I really do think "work" should be added to that list of four-lettered words not used in polite society). I saw things deteriorating around me and I began desperately looking for alternatives, should I just get another job in the same industry, pays the bills but not likely to be particularly fulfilling. Should I go into another industry, or maybe the Universe has something else in mind.

I must have been ready, not that I necessarily realized it, as the whole situation finally collapsed in on itself, or in laymen's terms, I got fired. When it happened, I was pissed! After I cooled down, I was predominantly relieved and now a couple of days later, I actually want to thank my former employer for it, I am off the fence, a direction toward tomorrow has been placed at my feet and I will see where it goes.

So back to where we started, The Declaration of Independence, or more directly, when the Universe or Spirit guides you toward things, be willing to pursue them for often one has to declare independence from the now to create tomorrow. The alternative can be a very uncomfortable drop kicking, just saying.

Labor Day, The Secret, and Today's Labor

Monday, my usual day off, but it is also one of those Monday holidays, Labor Day (sorry Phyllis, it has nothing to do with childbirth), so I figured my schedule would get trumped, so far no, strange events are afoot!

I have five or six partial blog entries I could finish up and make a quick and easy dash to the beach having finished my Monday duties of finishing and publishing an entry on Monday. I guess I could postpone the entry till Tuesday since it is technically a Federal Holiday in the States. Ha...

It has been a very intriguing week, I have been so humbled by what a reminder that the Universe will take care of us if we will just give it the opportunity and stay the "f" out of its way.

Last week, I preempted my usual writing with the eulogy for one of my cats, Ms. Birdie, she passed the following morning about 10. I am sad that she felt it necessary to leave, but knowing that Spirits tend to travel in groups so I will see her again in another of her lives. Spirit is not constricted to linear time as is most of consciousness, so she may actually be in my life already, I may have to watch over my shoulder, she had vicious claws that drew blood on more than one occasion.

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I have had this idea for a book running around in my head for a while, I had started writing it but really did not like what I was getting, it was boring as bat-shit (such language, shame on me...), but I had an inspiration as to this new scene and realized that it would make the coolest opening.  So I wrote it up, edited it about 40 ways from Sunday and sent it to a select group of friends to see what they thought.

My proof-reader, aka the Grammar Cop, sent me a collection of edits, some of which I had done already in a later rework, several liked, but questioned, a reference to Danny Kaye from a personal favorite 1955 film. The one thing that was most relieving was that EVERYONE said one thing in common, "what happens next?" That is exactly what I was looking for.

The story has been coming out in scenes, somewhat disjointed and randomly dispersed, a kind of wordy jig-saw puzzle. I knew basic plot lines and the general direction of it, but I really had no idea what direction to go to put it into order, in steps the Universe.

I stopped by this neighborhood thrift store and was going through their abysmal DVD selection when I came across a phrase that caught my attention, "Hero's Journey". Was ist das?

I turned out to be a three CD (one disk missing, but what do you expect for $2.00) recording of "The Hero's 2 Journeys", a lecture on story analysis based on Joseph Campbell's "The Hero with a Thousand Faces". Now I have been a huge fan of Joseph Campbell ever since I first saw "The Power of Myth" (sorry the link is for the book and not the video, Amazon doesn't have the DVD? Who'd have thunk). I have used "The Power of Myth" as a study aid for years in my studies of comparative-religion, but that it was actually about storytelling and its structure had completely missed me.

Interesting side-note, I have had a DVD rip of "The Power of Myth" for ages from the local library's collection, but the disks were so badly scratched that it was nearly unwatchable in places. About the time I started thinking about this story, I had just bought a copy of it from an online dealer and had been watching it again and still did not get that my answer for structure was right in front of me. It is amazing how blind we can be at times...

Note to any copyright detectives reading this:

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I have a standing policy, if I make a dub, copy or rip of any copy-written materials, if I watch/listen to it four or more times, I will buy a copy as soon as I find one, otherwise it will eventually be erased.

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I, like many people, are fans of the Law of Attraction, it has become a big industry in the last few years, films like "The Secret" and "What the #$*! Do We Know!?", as well as more books than I care to count, including my own "10 Secrets to the Secret" (which I will publish if I ever get it to a place that I am willing to put my name on--long story).

One area that many people seem to miss is that the Law of Attraction can be, but rarely is, instantaneous. On occasion, the manifestation of ones dreams and hopes are pretty quick in their arrival, but I find that more often then not, you are given inspiration what directions you need to go in to bring about the manifestation.

For example, you might want to manifest $7,000,000, now it is possible that you may just win the lottery with that ticket you bought (even with the lottery you have to put action into it; buy the ticket), but more likely you will start receiving ideas and inspirations that give you an actual charge to contemplate.

Lynn Grabhorn, in her amazing book "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings", calls it "the warm and fuzzies"; when you are being given an inspiration toward some goal you are trying to manifest, whenever you think about it, you get a warm and fuzzy feeling. My personal experience is that you get the "warm and fuzzies" even when you really do not want to do "it", we so often want to get to the end without taking the journey, but the growth needed for the destination is in the journey.

So while I work on my new journey of writing my story with its "Hero's 2 Journeys", start on your own Hero's Journey and may you be blessed with whatever you manifest for you and yours. This is your Labor for today.

P.S.
     I did find a copy of disk 3 so I have the entire lecture, no worries!

Power of Word

The world is going through so many changes around me, and I have to say I am enjoying the hell out of it.

Spiritgeek.com is now "officially" open for business and the "job" has gone the way of the Dodo and though I am concerned about a few things, the simple fact is that I'm happier now then I have been in YEARS.

I am always teaching my clients that if they are not happy with their lives, there is only one way to make it better, change it. Sounds simple, but that old analogy is pretty true about ruts. Sadly, as I've said before; "the difference between a rut and a grave is only a matter of depth."

When I decided to leave my job, I wanted to do it with integrity, I gave 60 days notice and worked each and every shift and was willing to work any extra that I would have before I gave notice. Nothing changed on that front, except I now had an date of expiration and could see light at the end of the tunnel.

When we talk about the Law of Attraction (LoA) we discuss how simple it is. But, it has a few basic requirements that we have to follow to truly make it work. Honesty, integrity and following through on ones word are SO important as a basis to work from.

I know that it's a bit of a comedy, but the movie "Dogma" gets something completely right. The universe of creation functions on one premise, the word of God is absolute. One of the Hebrew names for God translates as "the Great Amen" basically, one who's word is absolute. It is in this authenticity to word that allows Him/Her/It to utter forth, "Let there be light" and it comes into being.

We give away our power whenever we are less than complete with our word, when we settle for less than we started for, no matter the reasoning and justifications that we give ourselves to make it OK.

When we are not willing to stand for our words, how can we expect to create by them?

My life has been changing because I have created possibility for change and I am standing up to pursue it.

My job made it VERY easy to have stepped back from my word and continue working there for a longer period of time. This might have been a good idea on the surface, but in the two-months that I had given them notice, I achieved depressingly little toward the path I was taking, this had been a major part in why I finally decided I had to cut one path out before the other could begin, I had been trying to make this change even before I took the job to begin with.

What would make me think that I would suddenly begin to accomplish in a few extra weeks what I had not been able to accomplish in over a year? For me the safer and more universally responsible path would have been a dead end for my Spirit.

Where do the choices in your life and the lack of substance in your word and being hamper you? Look into it, see it for what it is but do not judge it; you are human and sadly have been trained in this behavior. You can change it though, the first step is to look and become aware.

Journal for August

Wow, August has been one busy month...

The newsletter system has been completed and the first issue has been sent out.

Use the following links if you would like:

     Subscribe to the Newsletter

     Read an online version of the first issue

I have been looking for quite some time for a location to hold regular Meetup Group meetings at and I think I may have found it, and it's less than three miles from my apartment. I guess the remainder has to do with seeing about fees and scheduling.

I have been so engulfed in what I've been doing that I haven't really had a chance to think about much else. I was hoping to go to Burning Man this year, but timing and finances were not there this year.

So, instead of taking my planned vacation with my friends, I guess I'll just take a vacation from them. I hope that they enjoy themselves, I'm only a little bitter... ;-)

Time is flying and before we know it the holiday season and all it's insanity will be beginning, again. I thought I would give you a quick update of the things going on over at Spiritgeek.

Writing is quickly becoming a constantly occurring affair. Between trying to write blog entries for here, there are pieces for the newsletter until I get some submissions to publish (ok, not so subtle request for your work...).

There is also going to be a new daily newsletter shortly with basic thoughts for the day and some daily info, I was thinking of using astrological info from my ephemeris, but other things like that...

I am also trying to write, or more precisely script, some new videos on "Practical Spirituality" and how to implement it into your daily life as well as how to regain control of that life.

If this were not enough time spent on the keyboard, I have been working on two books (sort of) for publishing in one form or another.

• 10 Secrets to the Secret
  A short collection of insights into making you a Law of Attraction wizard.
  
  
• The Executioner's Confession
  The adventures of Rebecca and the arrival of the messiah for a nearly Orwellian world is slowly coming together... I am enjoying writing it so much, but inspirational fiction is hard work. ;-)

The last third of the year is going to be quite busy and we will see how everything comes together... It always does, just not always the way I thought it would. The universe can be more creative with its solutions than I ever was with creating the problems, thank God!!!

I have some more writing to do (you think?) and just a few more hours before I have to crash for work tomorrow.

So let's leave with a question that I put on Facebook and Twitter recently; "What if God & Spirit are just names for that which can appreciate the joy in ALL things?"

This will likely be the subject of my next blog post... We'll see!

Miscellaneous Thoughts for Today...

I recently took a "normal" job, whatever that may actually be, I think of it as a place that pays me on a regular basis for some function that they have need of. I am still in training on the job and am feeling pretty good about it, but the one part of it that is going to take a while to get used to is getting up so early.

As an independent contractor, I could get up whenever I wanted, usually around 7 and take my time getting myself together. With the hours that I am doing during training and likely to continue doing on a regular basis, I could sleep as late as 6, but that leaves me little time for the more important aspects of my morning, meditation.

That's actually what this entry is going to be about I think.


I really enjoy the time I get to meditate and have really enjoyed sharing that time with my roomie, but that is a touch difficult since the roomie doesn't have to get up and I would never ask her to.

Lately, my meditations have been very interesting, not so much for what has been happening, but for what has not.

I tend to start my meditations with a creation of some sacred space and then do a breath channeling through my chakras. It helps me to relax and to place myself into an alternate state of mind.

One of the things that I have noticed about myself is that I get to a certain point and because of previous experiences, I try to "force" myself into a certain state. I'm not real sure how to describe it, but I get to a point where I feel as if I am leaving the body through the crown chakra and from there I can go anywhere.

I guess the part that has been interesting to me has been the recent experiences where I get to the threshold of "stepping out" and basically get stuck. I have found that meditation is a lot like my life in that it works best when I just let it happen and don't attempt to force things.

When I just relax and let my meditation happen, I get deeper than when I do otherwise. I know this is a pretty "duh" statement for many people and to be honest, it is for me as well. But we all sometimes get so far from where we started that it is sometimes helpful to remember those early lessons and see what other interesting and new insights we can glean from them.

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The image above is one that I use to remind me of the images and colors of the chakras. The base or root chakra is associated with the color red and so forth through the colors and chakras till you reach the third eye which is purple. The crown merges all the colors together for a brilliant white.

Beyond those basics of chakra work, the image also incorporates the traditional lotus designs as well as the Sanskrit characters for more advanced students. I am trying to find an old graphic editing program I had that will allow me to slow the rate of the animation changes.

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I recently had a discussion with someone and the ideas of meditation vs prayer came up. Those who know me know that I don't use the term "prayer" very often. The reason is that when I was young, prayer always seemed like a negotiation with God for what we felt was some blessing that we deserved.

Now days I usually phrase it more along the lines of "prayer is when I talk to God or my Higher Power, meditation is when I shut up and listen for the response."

After years of study of teachers and saints from religions spanning time and this planet, I can tell you that the teachers all tell us that the answers are not outside of ourselves, but within. This is because we are all small sparks of the Creator and can not be separated from that Source.

As the "Course in Miracles" puts so eloquently, God does not judge the minutia of our day-to-day lives but only that which is deserving of judgment, the mistake that we fell into of believing that we were separate from Him and could fall. Everything else is just that delusion playing itself out.

The law of Karma and Newton's Second Law of Motion state, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. All these "sins" we worry so much about are nothing because they only exist in a state of illusion, they are not real. Only that which is real matters and you would be amazed at how much is not real. Like that book titled, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: it's all small stuff," when we put things into perspective we can let go of that load we carry around in the name of guilt.

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OK, I will quit rattling about and go get some sleep. I have a busy day at work and I have more than enough here for you to think about.

Goodnight.

An Unexpected Christmas Gift

Yesterday was Christmas (OK, if you looked at the header for the message you know that) and I had the best Christmas I have had in years.

I have always been aware of the fact that we tend to see "outside" us better than inside ourselves. I can look around and see a million people around who are miserable and obviously so very sad without realizing how sad and/or depressed I may be since it has become such a habitual state of mind and being.

It's like the man who has something terrible happen to him and he gets angry. In time, he has been angry for so long that he doesn't even realize that he is always angry and that those around him are quite aware of this. Eventually, most will leave him since who wants to be around an angry person all the time. They may realize why, but many will not, but he will just know this is who and what he "is".

Since leaving the limo company and going to work for myself has been a somewhat stressful and unnerving experience, I have written here before about how disconcerting getting outside my personal comfort zones has been. It has had an interesting effect on my life that I am SOOOO very thankful for.

Yesterday, I went to a party of friends and have to say that I probably had the most enjoyable time that I have ever had, or at least in many years.

Having been so attached to my job for so many years, I had not even realized how much of "life" I was missing out on since it just "was" what I did. May I never get to that place again of bypassing life while trying to survive.

This group of friends and acquaintances are mainly people that I have only known for a few months and they have accepted me and made me feel welcome in ways that you don't find in Los Angeles very often. After the party, I was driving home and became aware of just how full of joy I was and how long it had been since I had been there outside of meditation and teaching.

As much as I loved all the gifts I received for Christmas from my friends and adopted families (K: the "Magic 8-Ball" said that my wish for happiness today was likely, right so far... :-) ) the one that I will cherish forever is the joy and happiness you all have brought into my life and the refuge that you have offered from the difficulties in the day-to-day existences of my life and calling.

May everyone be blessed to have that one person or group of people that let them just relax and enjoy, if not, why would life be worth living?

ॐ शान्ति
Om, shanti (Peace)

...it ain't for sissies

I have been out of the limo company now for nearly 2½ months and while being quite busy, I have also become aware of several things to be looked into and learned about and/or from.

Change, it ain't for sissies
A friend of mine watched me have some toaster waffles a while back and thought it a touch odd that I would cut them into 8 pieces before I would eat them, 4 bisecting cuts into a circle. From my perspective, it seemed logical in that I tend to read while eating and cut my food for easy access while staring at my book. My friend found it of interest and commented that my life had been so out of control for so long that this was possibly a small routine that gave me the feeling of control.

At the time I did not really think about it much, but since leaving the limo company, I have begun to be confronted with the fact of just how much of a creature of habit I really have allowed myself to become.

Another friend commented recently that they thought it would be good for me to "step out of my comfort zone." Let me tell you, when you go from being a slave to a job for 10 - 16 hours a day and 6 or 7 days a week to self-employed and completely responsible for nearly every dime you make, I am so far out of my comfort zone that I would be surprised if they are in the same dimension.

After taking a break for a couple of weeks, I became nearly paralyzed with fear and anxiety about what I was going to be doing. I am still dealing with these to an extent, but at least I am not feeling physically ill every morning.

Blazing an Independent Path, it ain't for sissies
I have always been reasonably comfortable that the Life and Spiritual paths I have followed were off the beaten track but have become aware of just how difficult it can become when a philosophy goes from something you believe in and is tested by actually living it. Some philosophies come along as easier than others to follow but mine is not easy, but once I realized that I was missing my previous patterns more than actually fearing the "process", it got easier.

I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, but I still find myself limiting it by trying to dictate how it will manifest. As an example, with this change in work from employed to "gainfully unemployed," I have set certain goals that I want to reach regarding the amounts of cash I want to make. The first few weeks, nothing happened and I was starting to freak-out about my finances, or apparent lack there-of.

I tried to meditate, but I was such a nervous wreck that I wouldn't have heard Gabriel blow his trumpet, little less the quiet still voice of inspiration. I had to relax as much as I could and realize that all was actually perfect and would come unto itself. It took a little longer and I resigned myself to the idea that I was going to have to take a job, at least temporarily, and suddenly I received a few calls for computer services and a short-term contract that not only paid my bills in a week, but next months as well.

It reminds me of an old Indian story, told many ways, but here's how I tell it.

Narada, the musician of the gods, was walking along a path when he came upon a swami that had quite obviously been sitting and meditating in this spot for many years.

The swami noticed Narada and asked what he was up to.

"I am on my way to see Krishna and play a beautiful song for His enjoyment."

The swami asked for the following favor, "When you see Krishna, would you please ask Him how much longer I must sit in meditation before I find Realization and need not return to this world of sorrows again?"

Narada agreed and continued on his way. A little later, he came upon a young neophyte who was having some difficulty holding his concentration and when he saw Narada also asked for the favor of how long he must meditate before finding enlightenment.

Once again, Narada agreed and went on his way.

Much time passed and Narada was again on the road when he came upon the aged swami.

The swami asked if Narada has spoken to Krishna and asked his question.

Narada responded, "My Lord Krishna says that in 4 lifetimes you will reach Realization and return home to Him, never to return."

This answer infuriated the swami who thought it grossly unfair that after his many lifetimes of devotion and meditation that he would still have to bear 4 more lives.

Narada continued on his way and after a while came upon the neophyte monk who also asked if Narada had finished his previous journey and what Krishna's response was to his inquiry.

Narada looked up into the tree over the young monk and said, "My Lord Krishna says that a lifetime for every leaf in this tree it will take for you to reach enlightenment."

The young monk looked into the tree and said, "Well at least it is a finite number and there are not that many leaves in this tree." At this point the young monk started to return to his meditations when The Lord Krishna appeared with his eagle, Garuda, and asks the young monk to join Him in heaven.

The young monk, surprised at such a glorious offer, asks "how could this be? I thought I had many lives to go first."

Krishna is pleased at the question and tells him, "To sit in meditation and ponder upon Me would take you many lifetimes to reach enlightenment, but in your heart of hearts, you were so surrendered to My will that you were willing to submit, and for this, you may return home now."

This ancient story reminds us that of our own will and efforts, we will eventually learn the simple fact that it is through surrender that we find our goals put before us, we cannot make them on "our" schedule and when we try, we make the wait even longer by the delaying that which is already waiting to come to us.

Traveling Life Alone, it ain't for Sissies
Like most people, I have the wish for someone to share my life with as a partner and friend. A spouse, life-partner or at least a significant other.

In those times when we forget that we are never truly alone, it is so easy to become lost in the appearance that there is no one to share it all with. When we become aware that we are never truly alone, unless you believe that God is not omni-present, it becomes obvious that "aloneness" is only an illusion of our forgetfulness.

When I get lonely, all I have to do is remember that since I am a small spark of God, I can never truly be alone unless I want to project the illusion. Remember this simple fact and know that aloneness will never be a problem again if you are willing to see the truth.

Life Update #2

Well, it has been a productive week. 1st, I decided that I hated the way the Spiritgeek.com site was looking and decided to scrap it and redo the imagery and color scheme. I have been working in Photoshop and have a design that I am much happier with.

I finally set a job change date in that I gave notice to the limo company last Monday that Friday, August 31, would be my last day. My boss took it surprisingly well and seems to be quite supportive of what I am planning on doing.

Things are getting better on a day to day basis and I should be quite ready to go full-time on Spiritgeek.com by the beginning of September.

Life Update #1

Table of Contents

1. SpiritGeek Website Update


2. Business Card Booboo


3. Robert turns "8"


4. New eyes on the world

SpiritGeek Website Update

It has been a busy time for me and I am running behind on the schedule for getting the site up and changing jobs.

1^st there is the car service. What a well of drama that has been and I can't help but wonder if I might be witnessing the beginning of the end of the company. First we had a driver who had given notice but then had some family problems and has changed it to a leave of absence. Then for other reasons, another driver decided to quit. Let's just say that it means that I have been busy.

A few entries ago, I discussed my experiences with inspiration as a function of my level of peace and calm. I still find what I wrote to be accurate, but I have kind of stalled for a time. Partially, I am sure, is due to the fact that I have been working so much and haven't the heart to quit while my boss is in such a situation. On that front, I have decided to take advantage of the fewer drivers and try to build up my financial war-chest until the leave of absence is over then start by cutting down to 4 or 5 days a week and schedule my clients on those days.

I have been very fortunate that my current client appointments have not collided with passenger pick-ups, the universe does seem to like me.

2^nd as I mentioned above, is that I have stalled a bit on the inspiration front. I finished the cards and got them, but the site is coming along really slowly. Part of it, I am sure, is just my fear of stepping out, but part of it is likely to be my level of exhaustion. I have been putting in a fair number of long days and varied hours which tends to make me drag. I have a fair idea of what it is I want and just need to get it written out. The content has been coming along fairly well, it's getting the base structure down that I am not completing as of yet.

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Business Card Booboo

I pulled a blond move with the business cards. On the back of the cards is a line in Sanskrit from the Yoga Sutras as well as a transliteration and translation. I can apparently spell in Sanskrit flawlessly, my English though seems to leave a bit to be desired. Photoshop 5.0 doesn't have a spell checker for the text fields and I either neglected to use another method or I just missed it. So, we now have a translation that reads:

"By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous (was vituous) and disregard (was disredard) towards the wicked, the mind-stuff (citta) retains its undisturbed calmness."

Yoga Sutras 1:33

So what can I do, it was my fault, so I've decided to just make a joke out of it. Like I said, my Sanskrit seems to be perfect but I can't spell English. I have already corrected the master file for the next batch, so I guess these are a limited run of cards that will be a collectors value, like the upside-down plane on the stamp. Very rare and worth something someday. ;-)

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Robert turns "8"

Saturday the 19^th of May was my birthday and my friends through a bash for me. I was so touched. I was asked a few weeks ago about what I wanted to do for the birthday and I really had no clue. In the last several years I have just tried to take it off and sleep or rest with everything turned off. When the idea of the party came up, I commented that I hadn't had a party since I was 7 years ago, so the theme was "Robert's 8^th Birthday", at least I didn't get any beanie hats or short-pants.

The party was help over at a friend's house and a good time was had by all as far as I could tell. I charred large quantities of dead chickens and was treated to a Fillet Mignon. Several of the attendees are somewhat musically inclined (like most have been recording artists for years) and they did a wonderful rendition of Happy Birthday to a Beatles tune.

After being an outcast for as long as I have in my life, it was heartwarming to see how much these people love and care for me. That probably sounds really stupid, but most of my life I have been a loner with few true friends and many fair-weathered friends and more orbiting users than I care to think about. I love them all, but not all of them love me. The people at the party truly made me realize that they love me and in many ways, it was one of the moments I will likely cherish for the rest of my life.

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New eyes on the world

I went to the eye doctor and now have a new prescription for contact lenses. While I was at it, I also ordered 2 pair of glasses. I think they look pretty cool and neither of them is like anything I've had before. Gotta cut this short and go pick them up.

Later!

Spiritgeek.com Update and 24-7 Job Realization

The other day I was at the market checking out with my purchases when the computer just wouldn't allow me to purchase my Fuji Apples. Try as he would, the young man behind the counter couldn't get the computer to accept that I wanted apples. Being in a fun state of mind, the following conversation ensued... (at least as well as I remember the details...)

I: So, does that mean they are free?
S: Originally they were, except for that first one, it was pretty expensive.
I: Huh?
S: That first one at the fall...
I: Oh, good one, yes that was an expensive one wasn't it? I should have caught that since I'm a student of comparative religion...
S: OH? If you don't mind me asking, which one do you find to be the most respectful in presenting the Creator?
I: Personally, I find them all to be basically saying the same thing.
S: Which do you practice?
I: My friends call me a Hindu-Buddhi-Christ since I study them all and find them to be true.
S: Do you teach? Is there somewhere I can hear you?
I: Funny you should say that, I'\m just setting up a business for that very thing. I don't have any business cards, but you can check out the web site shortly at SpiritGeek.com.

Ever since I made the decision to start the web site and truly dedicate myself to helping others, I have been having similar situations appearing on a regular basis.

It has made me realize that this new ideal isn't just a job that I get to go to and return home to my mundane life after 8 hours a day Monday thru Friday, but something that will become the basis of a whole new existence for me (just slightly unnerving but exhilarating at the same time).

I have been working on the business cards and placed the order for them yesterday. The mobile number is up and working, but the answering system on the land-line is not quite ready as of yet, but here are the card images...

Front of Card

Back of Card

Now I just have to finish the web-site... It's coming along and should be up shortly.

No "How" Worries...

Sometimes, no matter how much you do things, you sometimes need an object lesson in how you don't know it all. Wasn't it Socrates that said "Wisest is he who knows he does not know" and trust me, that makes me a bloomin' genius (at least some of the time...).

Yesterday contained a perfect example of my occasional blundering, especially in what has recently come to be called "The Secret" or The Law of Attraction. My latest week at work has not been overflowing with tips and since I try to live on them predominantly, that means I have been a touch short of cash the last few days. Sure, I could pull a few bucks out of the local ATM but that's not the point.

Yesterday, I had only two runs booked and I basically programmed the universe that I wanted to make $40 in tips today. I figured this would not be a big problem as both clients could give me a $20 and problem solved, I don't think so. Imagine my temporary dismay when I got nada from both of them. I was beginning to doubt myself when my dispatcher called me and gave me another run for later in the evening, a regular customer who usually tips $40 on an airport pickup, which he did.

The problem wasn't the intention of making $40 in tips for the day (though maybe I should start using substantially larger numbers), but in my determination of HOW the intention would come to fruition. Thinking about it later, I tend to do this to myself and have much better success with LoA when I just say what and accept the gift and let the universe figure out the how.

A while back, I was talking to someone who is a healer and I asked how it was done. They said that for say, a broken leg. "One visualized the patient running around on the leg as if it were whole and complete. You don't worry about all the intermediate steps, the universe will take care of that, so don't worry about telling it how you want it done by trying to picture the bones knitting themselves together." What a great piece of advice, and so true as a general axiom for life.

Joy Begats Inspiration

It's Easter and I am working while the majority are having fun finding eggs and getting together with family and friends for dinner. I just had dinner, Pad-Kee-Mow, at this little place near the airport called "Thai Dishes". Quite tasty and the staff was very nice and helpful.

While I was eating and reading "The Secret," I realized something that has been happening in my experience as of late. I'm quite sure it's been happening forever, but I just took notice of it while I was sitting there relaxing.

I have recently made the decision to leave my job as a driver and go independent as a "life coach" and/or spiritual teacher. I've come up with a schedule and am currently working on creating the web pages I want, as well as creating my business cards and getting them printed.

I've been having a lovely time trying to learn Photoshop in short order and creating a logo for SpiritGeek.com (I purchased the hosting and domain name the other day--YEAH!!!!) which is a festive event if you have ever seen the graphically challenged draw (Not for the faint of heart...).

I have noticed the last week or so that I have been a touch lacking in the inspiration department and had begun to wonder if maybe I either needed to extend my original calendar, about 2 weeks to go before we give my current employer 30 days notice, or maybe just stay put. Not exactly where I want to be or what I want to be doing. At the same time this has been going on, I have been having a bit of bickering with my boss as well as several people who I am sure mean well, but are raising just about every fear known to mankind.

While reading, I started to reconnect to the happiness that I spend my life in, more or less, when I suddenly had an inspiration as to what it was missing in my logo project and why I seemed to be having conflicting ideas. One was to implemented into the other, but I needed to see it separately so I could get the details of the idea.

It was while this was all coming together that I realized the pattern in my level of inspiration, it was directly linked to my level of joy and my "attitude of gratitude." When I am in a state of joy, the ideas come out of nowhere and are great and while in that state, the ability to make them happen just appears as well. What a great way to live!

The Law of (Negative) Attraction

The other day, I was talking to someone about the Law of Attraction and “The Secret”. In particular, what it is and how I have been using it in my life. They asked me an interesting question, “Why is it that everyone who tells me about 'The Secret' only talks about the positive, doesn’t it work in the negative as well?”

At the time I took the question to be in the vein of a “don’t want” like an Anti-War protest to end war. I explained that the universe tends to be a bit dense in this area as it does not understand the concept of “No” and “Not”. I explained that the universe gives us what we focus upon and does not understand why would spend our energy, time & thought on something we did not want.

Later I started to think about the question again and realized they may have been asking about an example of the universe manifesting something I did not want. Right now in my life, I have a wonderful example of this in action.

On my job, I have a boss that I love to death, but sometimes, I would not be to upset if he just disappeared into the ether on his own volition. It is not that he is a bad person or evil in any way, but several of his habits in business work to my detriment in many ways. Someone once said “That which you resist, persists.” This is definitely showing itself in my life…

I am not going to go into details, because they are not important to the discussion, but let us just say that I have been fighting with them so much that they have become nearly toxic for me. Is this his fault? Well, it would be easy to say yes, but the truth is that I am quite aware of the fact that he can only annoy me as much as I let him. The truth is that whatever he may be, only I can be annoyed (OK, read infuriated at times) with him and if I wish it to cease and desist, I just need to stop trying to bend him to my will.

Now this has not necessarily been a bad thing, which is something we learn in time. As much as it has been inharmonious in my day-to-day existence, it has also been of help in that it has helped push me out of what would otherwise be a very nice “comfort” zone and back into the world of self-employment. James Redfield, in his “Celestine Prophecy”, makes the comment in one of his insights that we become aware of the positive aspect in everything that happens to us. For me, that lining is continuing on my journey to self-fulfillment and pursuit of my dreams. In addition, even my boss’s annoying behaviors might just be worth it if I make something good out of it, as someone once wrote, “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!”

A Restoration of Faith...

I just finished breakfast and was thinking about last night. For those who are not familiar, I work for a small car service in Los Angeles as a driver and though we don't do much in the way of "industry" business, we do some directly and via "farm outs" from other companies, going to the Spirit Awards.

Yesterday, I spent the day on one such farm out. I went to one of the Hotels on West Hollywood to pick up someone I had never heard of, a "Suzanne Davis" (not really, but it was something similar, we must protect the innocent). I called up to let them know that I was downstairs and waiting, to which I was told they were running a bit behind and would be down in about 30 minutes. Something about that voice sounded familiar, hmmm.....

About 30 minutes later, a young couple came down and came over to my car, God, they sure looked familiar. I asked, "Ms. Davis?" and she smiled and said "yes" and they got into my car. As they got in, Ms Davis said "Hi, my name is Neve and this is my brother Christian."


We drove to Santa Monica Beach where a collection of large white tents had been set up and I dropped them off and found a parking spot a short distance away. As I got out of the car, I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a few years as well as received an invite to lunch from one of our other drivers at the event.

I'm not going to go into exhaustive details on the day and everything that happened, but after the end of the show and the after party at the Shutters Hotel, we were joined by Alan Cumming and his partner Grant Shaffer. Alan had helped produce and acted in "Sweet Land", which won the Best First Feature award.

When we left the party, we went back to the hotel in West Hollywood so Neve could get something a little warmer to wear. They decided to grab some dinner in the restaurant and Christian came out to move his car, a good idea in West Hollywood with the "Parking Nazis".

While he was out, we chatted for a bit and I just knew that I knew him from somewhere. I mean, he's an actor, so I'm sure I've seen him before but this was something more, either it's on a personal level or something he was in that I truly loved. I had felt familiar since I picked them up and it was REALLY starting to get under my skin and bug me.

I called a friend and asked her to help me since she had a computer handy with an Internet connection. It didn't take long for me to feel like a complete ass. It turns out that Christian was in one of my favorite gay films of all time, "Trick".

It's the story of a young musical theatre writer who meets a gogo-boy and spends the rest of the night looking for a place to trick (catch a quickie). Needless to say, they don't have an easy time of it, between bitchy drag queens, broken hearted piano bar singers and a best friend who is completely clueless and self absorbed (played beautifully by Tori Spelling). Definitely worth seeing in my personal opinion.

I really wish I had gotten an opportunity to tell Christian just how much that film has meant to me over the years and that it will always hold a special place in my heart.

As a driver in Los Angeles, you meet a lot of people, some rich and famous and some just regular people who need to get somewhere. Most are decent people who couldn't care less. Of those who are famous or quite wealthy, they tend to be a bit wrapped up in their own little worlds and a bit dismissive of those they perceive to be their inferiors, like anyone not worth what they are or outside their circle of "special People". It's not just actors in this town, but it kind of like high school with all it's little cliques and such.

The funny thing is it kind of reminds me of when I lived in Long Beach many years ago. A friend and I would go to this club full of snotty, ego-centric pretty boys who wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire in the parking lot. The funny part was that when we would go to the bath-house and I would run into the same little stinkers who would practically drag me into their rooms to make out, fun if slightly bewildering, it was the early 80's.

When I have found myself past the guard gates, people assume that you belong there and accept you as an equal. If they only knew...

This was not an issue of any kind for me yesterday with the Campbells and Mr. Cumming and his partner, they were all so very nice and pleasant and made me feel glad to be spending the evening with them. If I were to try to describe the situation from a movie, I would guess that "54" would have the right scene, in the New Jersey coffee house on Christmas day, watch it and see what I mean.

After seeing so much of the vile and nasty behavior that many people do toward each other in the name of greed, selfishness and ego, it was an amazing breath of fresh air to spend an evening with such nice, real and authentic people that it truly helped to restore my faith that under all our silly nastiness as people, we can still be civil human beings and some of the best can still be famous at the same time.

By Their Fruits...

This has been an interesting few days while I contemplate writing this piece or not. I want to since it really pulls into the light how what I (as well as many others) have found to be true the things I have come to believe, but it is quite likely to be taken by many as a direct attack, which in some ways it probably is.

I go to a video store called Record Surplus that has a habit of getting videos before they are released. The other day, I picked up "The Celestine Prophecy" which is expected to be released on December 19. For those who are not familiar with it, it is based on the book of the same title by James Redfield.

One of the central themes of the book, in it's "Insights," is to become aware of the apparent coincidences that occur in our everyday life. Because of this and the other book that I just finished reading, I felt that I was getting a definitive answer to my question as to writing this.

The book that I just finished is Neale Donald Walsch's "What God Wants : A Compelling Answer to Humanity's Biggest Question" which I think is fantastic. A quick read that will definitely make some ideas rattle around in your brain. The book is basically divided into three parts;

1. How our previous views of what God wants have affected our cultures and manifest in the day-to-day world.
2. What God wants, it's quite direct and to the point! ( ;-P )
3. How this new view of God's wants will manifest in the future world.
   

This piece is in the same vein as part one.

In the Gospel of Matthew, we find the following as part of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount":

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Matthew 7:15-20 (KJV)

My thoughts lately have been to look around me and see what "fruits" are going on around me, both personally and otherwise.

They say that the definition of insanity is to do the same things as you have done in the past and expect a different outcome. It's funny in a way, we as a race will do some of the most innovative things ins the name of progress, but in our personal lives, we can be completely "insane."

On a personal level, for example, is my current job as a town car driver. Now, I love my job actually, I meet some fascinating people and most of the time I make decent cash, but I am quite aware that it is a dead end where advancement will require the death of another. The fact is that, though I enjoy it a lot, it will never take me where my life seems to be pointing me. I could very easily play it safe and stay right where I am but how long will it take for that path to become a rut and then a grave, once it is deep enough?

We tend to follow the rules, a good thing usually, but when we intuitively know that there is something missing and we need to change our direction, we find it difficult to outright terrifying. I have been thinking about changing careers and going into what is called "Life Counseling" and nearly everyone who knows me thinks I would be very successful at it. When I looked into it and found out what it actually was, I realized that this is what I've been doing for my friends for years, but for free (can I send out bills for previous years? Hmmm).

The predominant world view that we really need to look into is how we view God and our relationship to Him/Her, the idea that we are separate entities. Our religions tell us that God is away in His/Her heaven, passing judgement on our every action and, depending on which one(s) you follow, how to get to heaven or out of the wheel of life.

What are the fruits of these beliefs? Jihads, crusades, feuding factions, the destruction of lives and our planet.

A really good example is Bill Moyer's "Is God Green" piece. It is about a schism in the Evangelical Christian denominations about how the future of the planet and our involvement in ecology should be. Some believe that God's gift of dominion of the planet to man is justification for the wholesale rape of the planet's resources and environment. Others believe that stewardship requires man to be more considerate of the repercussions to planet and the future of mankind.

In Iraq, while there is more than this going on, the fact is that unless the Shia and Sunni learn to co-exist, little less both get along with the Kurds, the chances of a valid nation ever coming together and surviving is about as likely as the moon being changed into green cheese. Most people don't realize that a fair number of the Middle-Eastern nations were created by the European world after the collapse of the Persian Empire and that solidarity of the individual groups is next to nil.

On a personal level, our belief in separation places us in the position of making ourselves into hypocrites on a fairly regular basis. We claim to believe in this Supreme Being who will care for us, once we've made peace and the proper atonement's, but since we are "alone" in our daily existences, we don't live it and actually spend a fair amount of our existence living in exactly the antithesis to our "claimed" ideals.

Our religions believe in the supremacy of their preferential manifestation of God or teacher and declare all the others as liars and charlatans. This leads to warring and hatred and is not doing anything to bring the followers closer to any Godliness. I've always found it of interest that the only religion that has never fought a war of aggression in the name of it's teacher/founder is Buddhism.

To wrap this all up, the point is that we need to become initially aware that we are eternally linked to God and that our separation is an illusion of OUR creation, not his. After we know this, then we start to live our lives based on this premise and that starts to make changes in every other aspect of our lives. Guilt and fear fall away and freedom in the knowledge that all can be right in the world if we will just start to be aware of our interwoveness (is that a word?).

There will be those who say that this is dangerous because it is different from the current norms. The current norms are doing such great things for the masses of hungry, hateful, judgemental people?

Others will say that this would be anarchy, it is possible. Any good thing can be misused to the detriment of those around. The fact is that those who would misuse it to justify selfish behaviors would do so no matter what is taught or thought. As long as spiritual children are needing lessons to grow from, they will get them and deal with the messes they create. There seems to be a growing number of people out there that want more from their lives than shat they were taught as youngsters and these are methods to explore and experience.

I have a challenge for you...

Try putting some of these ideas into practice in your everyday existence and see what happens. When you walk down the street and see a homeless person, instead of passing a derogatory judgement on them, say to yourself; "There I am living outside the norm." When you see someone who has been abusing drugs and is paying for it, say something like "There I am exploring chemical substances." Pass no judgement, for to judge others doesn't just open us to judgement as Jesus said, it IS to judge ourselves since we are all part of the whole and there is no separation but what we make in our minds. From there do most our problems spring. See what fruits you develop...

An Update on Thoughts

I have been so massively busy as of late with trying to get the house set up and getting my work done that I hadn't really realized that a month had gone by since I last made an entry here. It has not been for lack of anything to say (or write as the case may be), but just not really being aware of the passage of time. I'm back and ready to go...

Things are getting ready to change, once again, in my life. As most of you know, I recently moved into an apartment in Sherman Oaks and bought a car at just about the same time. So what's left to change? My employment situation, I guess...

I currently support myself with driving sedan for a smaller, but well established, car service out of Santa Monica. I really like it, for the most part, and would continue, but I think that I might be leaving in the near future. (Those of you who know the arrangements, might be surprised at the actual motivations...)

My clientele as of late has been of a most interesting variety. I am usually careful, since my views are not real mainstream and a lot of people take offence at some of what I say, especially if I call some cherished ideal into question. This hasn't been a problem as of yet. I have been attracting people of either like mind or at least interested in new ways of thinking. Such a blessing!

The bigger question is what am I going to do... Hmmm...

The obvious would be to go back into programming and write software, independently, and hire myself out for new projects. Fun, but more as a hobby with me than a way to make a living. Before anyone even thinks about it, a regular 40-hour a week job as a programmer is a definite way to get me to open my wrists. I have never been fond of the regular work arrangements and that is why I either work in transportation or as an independent.

I have a few interesting ideas as far as new jobs go. What they are will remain my little secret while I work out the details of the ideas a bit more.

A few friends have suggested that I go into what they call "Life Counseling". Interesting idea, but I will SOOO have to come up with a different name for it as I hate that name. The idea is sound though...

Spend time with people and help them find out where they are sabotaging themselves and then help them to find better ways of doing things. Nice, but I am more likely to be more of a spiritual teacher in this than what you see on "Starting Over."

Coming soon will be a series of pieces on the "Law of Attraction." Keep your eyes open.

Professional Driver Whining #1

My roommate made a comment the other day that really caught me for some reason. She said that she never thought the driving in Los Angeles was really that bad until she had worked as a sedan driver for the company I now work for. After spending several hours a day on the roads, you really get a few glimpses into just what makes for a lousy driver.

1. I'd rather see someone applying make-up behind the wheel than be on the blasted cell phone.
2. A flashing turn signal should mean you intend to change lanes, not that you like flashing little lights in front of you.
3. A turn signal on the freeway should not cause your latest burst of macho to mean you must speed up since no-one should change into your lane in front of you.
4. When someone is pulling onto the on-ramp, they are responsible to get up to traffic speed, not traffic slow for them.
5. If your SUV is so big that you are afraid of driving it, DON'T!
6. The center lanes of the freeway are for the faster cars, it is not your job to slow them to 35 mph.
7. When turning, pull as far over to the side as you can so others may pass you while you wait for an opening in traffic.
8. Red lights ALWAYS mean stop, even if only for a moment.
9. Checking the map for directions should be done while pulled over to the side of the road, not in the middle of traffic.
10. If the car in front of you has zoned for a moment, toot your horn. Going into a coma and falling on it is overkill.
11. If you wish to get courtesy from others on the road, it is best to give it. Not everyone is a selfish pain in the butt like you are and after a while you will find it does pay off.
12. When you mess up on the road, don't look at the other as if they are an idiot for thinking you know what you are doing (or are they? Hmmmm).
    

Can you tell that it has been a fun day driving around town today.

The move is coming along well and may actually be finished by the end of the week. Just depends on how many trips from Mar Vista to Sherman Oaks I get to make in the next few days and the rental of a U-Haul. Hope springs eternal.