The Beginnings of Recovery

11:00

OK, so something is up... The Universe is conspiring something and I find I am looking forward to seeing what.

I woke up and decided to wear my Buddha shirt to my breakfast with K and R. Afterward I had planned to go over to the Grind or Library and do some writing. During breakfast I asked R what he was doing today and what route he was planning to take. On a spur of the moment decision I decided to go to Lake Shrine. I LOVE it here!

SoCal in February and I could actually get away with shorts and a T-shirt but I am dressed a bit more appropriately. Am I slipping into respectability?!?

Something has been weighing on my heart for a while and I have been in such a funk and verging on depression. I think I will spend the day relaxing and meditating to see what it is I am missing.

I have chosen a great spot to start with, I'm on the landing between the windmill and the waterfall (I never noticed it before). One of the swans just scared the daylights out of me... I suddenly had him(?) swim by and start flapping his wings like crazy, really changed the mood suddenly, but he seems to have settled down for now.

Just being here makes me feel better, I am not exactly peaceful within but I can feel the peace without and may be able to take some of it home. I miss peace at hime. Maybe I can find what it is that I am missing there, it has gone from sanctuary to something else but I can still feel its potential to be otherwise.

There is a turtle that keeps swimming by, almost as if he's keeping an eye out for me and making sure I am OK.

Just taking the day here will at least charge my batteries a bit, they are nearly empty. I have been so disconnected and just drifting on the currents of my life. I feel like I have been trying to steer currents to a destination of my choosing but I forgot or lost my rudder... I will remedy that!

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17:50 aka 5:50 PM

I took a short break from Lake Shrine at noon to make a Communicator call for my Landmark Series, it was the shortest call I have done so far, but it seemed pretty good. I went back in and walked around the lake and stopped in the chapel to meditate for a while.

While I was meditating, a gentleman who had been meditating in the front of the room got up to leave and I could not help but giggle a bit. He was wearing a leather motorcycle outfit and trying SO hard to be quiet and not disturb others, but the harder he tried the noisier he was.

I took some nice photos of the area and will put them on Facebook when I get home.

I finally left about 2:00 and while grabbing some lunch, had an amazing conversation with my Dad that lasted almost 90 minutes. It was unlike anything we have had in the past, no judgments on either side, just two people having a conversation about whatever came up. Those who read my blog entries are likely aware of the difficulties I have had in the past with my dad, not today.

I stopped of at 212 Pier, probably one of the COOLEST coffee houses I have ever been to, to type up and finish this entry, I am beginning to think I may have picked up a bit of a sunburn today, I have that radient heat feeling you get with an minor burn. Oh well, if that is the cost of such an amazing day, COOL!!!!

I am feeling better than I have in months, I may just be about ready for my meeting at work on Thursday and the repercussions in 60 days. Viva le Spiritgeek!

Note:
This entry was cross-posted to both the Spiritgeek Blog and the Personal Journal.

Living in and out...

There is an expression that is usually used as an insult to "pop" Christianity that goes something like; "If Jesus were to come back and saw what has been done in His name, He would not stop puking"; sometimes I know what this means...

About ten years ago Jeremy Sisto did a television miniseries called "Jesus" that I was extremely impressed with. It opens with assorted scenes from the last 2000 years of soldiers going to war in the name of Jesus, the dying calling out His name and such in a dream that Jesus is having before His mission actually begins.

Later when Lucifer visits Jesus before the crucifixion in an attempt to dissuade him from going through with it, we return to the opening montage scenes with Lucifer going on about how the people will not get it, it will be a waste of time, and what they will do in the name of Jesus.

I sometimes wonder if the Prophet Muhammad makes such an issue that he is only a prophet in an attempt to avoid what Christianity had done to Jesus. At the time of Muhammad, Christianity was coming out of a collection of ecumenical battles over Jesus' nature(s) as both man and God; the process of His deification was pretty well cemented.

Have you ever seen the movie "Monty Python's Life of Brian"? The first time I saw it was at the Tivoli Theatre in St. Louis' University City. There is a scene in it where Brian's followers are bickering over the sacred relics, one group is revering the "Gourd, the Sacred Gourd" and the other group has the "Sandal, the Sacred Sandal".

Some friends came over for a little party the other day and gave me an example of something that is the nightmare of any teacher. We had a conversation that went something like this:

F: What is the importance of the Spirit in everyday life?
S: (pause to gather thoughts)
F: He shows us that meditation and contemplation is important before speaking.
S: The Spirit is our source, so if we try to live without it how can we truly claim honesty in our lives?
F: He shows us that the answer is withing so he answers questions with questions to make us examine our own hearts for the truth.
S: Why are you doing this to me?
F: He points out that our intentions and motivations are important to understand our questions.
S: Oh, God help me!
F: He tells us that we may call upon deity for protection.

ad nauseum

Now I know my friends mean it as both a joke and as a way to poke at me. I do not take myself that seriously, but in the directions that I am going, it is likely that in time there will be those who will do this.

I see it happening to teachers ranging from Wayne Dyer to Deepak Chopra and especially with religious teachers like Paramahansa Yogananda, Swami Prabhupada and Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati. The students tend to infer and interpret into what is said, even when the teacher is outside their "teaching" and just living as happened with the Prophet Muhammad and is encoded into the Hadith.

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I guess the point I am trying to make is that no matter who the teacher is or what the teaching is, there is a point where one has to go from listening and interpreting what the teacher says and implement the teaching into one's life.

As much as I love to teach, know that I and EVERY teacher is also a human and we are not intending to teach at every moment. Remember that a true teacher lives what he teaches, so attempt to overlay their teaching over how and what they live.

I teach that Spirit is the core of my "self" and that this body is the vehicle of that Spirit and should be enjoyed. You may find me out having a drink, dancing (or as close as I get) or any number of activities, some of which you may not find congruent with what I teach, trust me it is and if you wish understanding just ask, I will try to explain it. But PLEASE do not interpret some "holy" message into everything, I will get annoyed and you will miss the point, I can nearly guarantee it.