Blessings in Disaster

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

The Declaration of Independence
Thomas Jefferson
As citizens, we often look at the documents of the founding of our country as if they are not part of the world that we live in, they are separate from our day-to-day lives. Yet, it is the direct and simple truths of many of them that make them so special in the annuls of time and writing.

Recently I have been going through a life lesson that has been a direct assault on some of my personal biggest fears. I saw it coming, I knew I was going to need to deal with it, and yet, I put myself through two years of, probably, unnecessary pain and anguish.

Nearly three years ago, I panicked. I was in a place of no money, about to face the real possibility of eviction and a car that was not currently functioning.

In late October two things happened; first, a friend wanted to leave a living situation with two other friends and on paper, well, it looked like it would cut the expenses nearly in half (later I would find out the difference in the utilities would demolish that theory). I had also been looking for a job, and though I really did not want to reenter an industry that I had been in previously, I can always get a job in it. If the job had been acquired just two days earlier, the fiasco of the living arrangement could have been completely avoided.

I was aware that the new employer was a good man, but, as we all do, had a few issues and was known to be a bit volatile. With my past experiences, I thought I could handle it, right…

The new roommates were friends and while living with others always has its challenges, worst case, you go hide in your room for a bit and let whatever pass, sure…

If I had known what the Universe was planning for me, I would have run away screaming like a maniac and considered finding a pretty monastery to cloister myself in.

Instead, I was in a self imposed illusion of safety, at best. The fools paradise started to show its true colors; one roommate was a disaster, so much so that when they gave notice before Christmas, I was elated and thought about throwing a party at the very idea (you know those moments, polite behavior requires you to say "are you sure this is what you want?" But, inside you are doing the Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy-Dance).

A few days later, during a discussion of what we wanted in a replacement, the other roommate gave me notice that he was moving as well, well that sucks! Now there are any numbers of reasons I could list that would make it obvious that neither was going to be any help finding replacements and I was working my butt off on the new job.

So on February 1^st I was holding the bag on just short of $1900 a month in rent, work was showing what the reality of the situation was, but I was now stuck. I was working six days a week, plus taking in extra work whereever I could get it.

It was not a complete disaster, the electric bill dropped from over $300 to about $45 (LA DWP stock dropped substantially), a friend ended using one spare bedroom to finish recording an album, some other friends rented the other bedroom for a couple of months while visiting from Europe. It was hard work, but it had some great times.

It took seven months, but when I moved out, I paid the final rent, 1^st and last on the new place, and for the first time in my life, paid movers instead of doing it myself, I consider that to be a major success!

Now that Phase One was complete, it was time to learn the other part of the lesson, Oh, you did not get part one? Stop freaking out! The Universe knows what you need and will provide if you will just let it.

Phase Two was going to be more than just working through it, it would require entering the dark caves of my being and facing some of what have become surprisingly powerful issues with me, the Job (cue dark dramatic music)!

I was quickly aware that this was not a good situation to be in, there were major clashes between my personality and that of my employer. As it was to turn out, it was to be a question of how much a "paycheck" was worth and just what was I willing to participate in to acquire one. As it turned out, I have become quite surprised at just how much!

In the last few months I have been trying to work on other projects while dealing with the issues at work (I really do think "work" should be added to that list of four-lettered words not used in polite society). I saw things deteriorating around me and I began desperately looking for alternatives, should I just get another job in the same industry, pays the bills but not likely to be particularly fulfilling. Should I go into another industry, or maybe the Universe has something else in mind.

I must have been ready, not that I necessarily realized it, as the whole situation finally collapsed in on itself, or in laymen's terms, I got fired. When it happened, I was pissed! After I cooled down, I was predominantly relieved and now a couple of days later, I actually want to thank my former employer for it, I am off the fence, a direction toward tomorrow has been placed at my feet and I will see where it goes.

So back to where we started, The Declaration of Independence, or more directly, when the Universe or Spirit guides you toward things, be willing to pursue them for often one has to declare independence from the now to create tomorrow. The alternative can be a very uncomfortable drop kicking, just saying.