...it ain't for sissies

I have been out of the limo company now for nearly 2½ months and while being quite busy, I have also become aware of several things to be looked into and learned about and/or from.

Change, it ain't for sissies
A friend of mine watched me have some toaster waffles a while back and thought it a touch odd that I would cut them into 8 pieces before I would eat them, 4 bisecting cuts into a circle. From my perspective, it seemed logical in that I tend to read while eating and cut my food for easy access while staring at my book. My friend found it of interest and commented that my life had been so out of control for so long that this was possibly a small routine that gave me the feeling of control.

At the time I did not really think about it much, but since leaving the limo company, I have begun to be confronted with the fact of just how much of a creature of habit I really have allowed myself to become.

Another friend commented recently that they thought it would be good for me to "step out of my comfort zone." Let me tell you, when you go from being a slave to a job for 10 - 16 hours a day and 6 or 7 days a week to self-employed and completely responsible for nearly every dime you make, I am so far out of my comfort zone that I would be surprised if they are in the same dimension.

After taking a break for a couple of weeks, I became nearly paralyzed with fear and anxiety about what I was going to be doing. I am still dealing with these to an extent, but at least I am not feeling physically ill every morning.

Blazing an Independent Path, it ain't for sissies
I have always been reasonably comfortable that the Life and Spiritual paths I have followed were off the beaten track but have become aware of just how difficult it can become when a philosophy goes from something you believe in and is tested by actually living it. Some philosophies come along as easier than others to follow but mine is not easy, but once I realized that I was missing my previous patterns more than actually fearing the "process", it got easier.

I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, but I still find myself limiting it by trying to dictate how it will manifest. As an example, with this change in work from employed to "gainfully unemployed," I have set certain goals that I want to reach regarding the amounts of cash I want to make. The first few weeks, nothing happened and I was starting to freak-out about my finances, or apparent lack there-of.

I tried to meditate, but I was such a nervous wreck that I wouldn't have heard Gabriel blow his trumpet, little less the quiet still voice of inspiration. I had to relax as much as I could and realize that all was actually perfect and would come unto itself. It took a little longer and I resigned myself to the idea that I was going to have to take a job, at least temporarily, and suddenly I received a few calls for computer services and a short-term contract that not only paid my bills in a week, but next months as well.

It reminds me of an old Indian story, told many ways, but here's how I tell it.

Narada, the musician of the gods, was walking along a path when he came upon a swami that had quite obviously been sitting and meditating in this spot for many years.

The swami noticed Narada and asked what he was up to.

"I am on my way to see Krishna and play a beautiful song for His enjoyment."

The swami asked for the following favor, "When you see Krishna, would you please ask Him how much longer I must sit in meditation before I find Realization and need not return to this world of sorrows again?"

Narada agreed and continued on his way. A little later, he came upon a young neophyte who was having some difficulty holding his concentration and when he saw Narada also asked for the favor of how long he must meditate before finding enlightenment.

Once again, Narada agreed and went on his way.

Much time passed and Narada was again on the road when he came upon the aged swami.

The swami asked if Narada has spoken to Krishna and asked his question.

Narada responded, "My Lord Krishna says that in 4 lifetimes you will reach Realization and return home to Him, never to return."

This answer infuriated the swami who thought it grossly unfair that after his many lifetimes of devotion and meditation that he would still have to bear 4 more lives.

Narada continued on his way and after a while came upon the neophyte monk who also asked if Narada had finished his previous journey and what Krishna's response was to his inquiry.

Narada looked up into the tree over the young monk and said, "My Lord Krishna says that a lifetime for every leaf in this tree it will take for you to reach enlightenment."

The young monk looked into the tree and said, "Well at least it is a finite number and there are not that many leaves in this tree." At this point the young monk started to return to his meditations when The Lord Krishna appeared with his eagle, Garuda, and asks the young monk to join Him in heaven.

The young monk, surprised at such a glorious offer, asks "how could this be? I thought I had many lives to go first."

Krishna is pleased at the question and tells him, "To sit in meditation and ponder upon Me would take you many lifetimes to reach enlightenment, but in your heart of hearts, you were so surrendered to My will that you were willing to submit, and for this, you may return home now."

This ancient story reminds us that of our own will and efforts, we will eventually learn the simple fact that it is through surrender that we find our goals put before us, we cannot make them on "our" schedule and when we try, we make the wait even longer by the delaying that which is already waiting to come to us.

Traveling Life Alone, it ain't for Sissies
Like most people, I have the wish for someone to share my life with as a partner and friend. A spouse, life-partner or at least a significant other.

In those times when we forget that we are never truly alone, it is so easy to become lost in the appearance that there is no one to share it all with. When we become aware that we are never truly alone, unless you believe that God is not omni-present, it becomes obvious that "aloneness" is only an illusion of our forgetfulness.

When I get lonely, all I have to do is remember that since I am a small spark of God, I can never truly be alone unless I want to project the illusion. Remember this simple fact and know that aloneness will never be a problem again if you are willing to see the truth.