Tired and Aural

It's been a LONG day, I was up at 4:15 this morning and I have one more run tonight at 7 PM going from Beverly Hills to Torrance. I was going to go home and grab a nap, but instead, I am in West Hollywood doing some Christmas gift shopping, getting a hair cut (not sure what I'm going to do with the other 103,491).

I am sitting in a Starbucks, killing a little time and basically bored out of my mind. Can't really think of anything to do, so I thought I might just see what came out in a random typing experience. I've got iTunes playing a random selection of songs and it went from "People Who Died" to "Twilight Zone/Twilight Tone". It's a varied collection of about 130 or so songs out of a collection of 1177, at least I managed to salvage them off my iBook before the hard drive died, thank God for back-ups.

Sitting in West Hollywood and basically ignoring everything around me (that's how it looks to those around at least) is kind of an interesting experiment in human watching. I'm sitting near where they put the drinks after they are ready, so I get to see just about everyone and hear what, if anything, they say. I've been here about an hour or so, not one conversation has caught my interest. What do I expect on an overcast, intermittently rainy day in December?

I stopped at the Bodhi Tree and stumbled across a book for my collection, Sybil Leek's "Tomorrow's Headline Today" which is on Mundane (predictive) Astrology. I have been a fan of Ms. Leek for many years since I read her most famous book "Diary of a Witch". Little by little, I'm collecting all of her published works, she has written so much in such a forward way that it's not that different from getting the collected works of, say, Paramahansa Yogananda (though I suppose his students wouldn't appreciate the comparison, not my problem...).

On days like today, when I'm a touch out of sorts with time on my hands, I find an excellent time to people watch, but it's just too cold to sit outside and since we are off daylight savings time, it's dark already. I'm exploring a technique that I learned in High School in looking at Auras. I've been doing this most of the day and most of them have been fairly sickly looking. Sad!

I finished writing the previous entry "By Their Fruits" earlier at a Starbucks in Santa Monica and started looking there. On top of being tired, I'm having one of those days when my personal barriers are slipping away, or are down a bit to say the least.

I have some friends who want me to say I am psychic, not likely, as I don't think of my gifts as such, empathic and "touched" maybe, but to me, psychic is someone who is able to be always on if they so choose. I just know things when I have need of them. When I was young, it got me into a lot of trouble as saying something I shouldn't know freaked people out. I learned that differences were not welcome and I spent a long time learning to close those things away. Now I am having to work VERY hard to reclaim this parts of my life.

I gave some friends tarot readings a while back and while I doubt myself so much, I was told that I was right on target. They were happy, I was left feeling buzzed and wondering why I can't believe what everyone else seems to be aware of. We have such a difficult time believing those things about us of a positive nature and yet we can believe the "bad" things instantaneously, I wonder if as a planet we are practicing a form of psychic abuse...

Back to what I was saying earlier, I was depressed by the general "ick" of most of the people I watched earlier. When my barriers drop, it means I feel for them like a mother hen who knows her chicks are going to be on dinner plates eventually, but still wants the best for them anyhow. A questionable metaphor? Maybe, but until people start to wake up a bit, it's about the way the majority of people make me feel sometimes. Not that I'm pessimistic about them or superior to them, just saddened that they are adrift on the sea of life and without a rudder it would seem. This would bum me out completely if it were not for the fact that I know we are all learning at our own paces and most of us are living out the choices we made before we came into this life. Still hurts to watch it sometimes...

On a lighter note, this isn't actually meant to be as depressing as it sounds. I can always go into my "space" and experience the reality of what's going on in creation and know that if God finds it worthwhile, I might just need to look a bit deeper and see that as well.

Searching for the "silver lining" on everything is one of the first things one can do to change their perspective of the world they live in. If we view it as a bummer and get depressed by it, we will attract more of the like into our lives, but if we can find the alternative, we raise that vibration to a place where we attract "happier" experiences, even if it's just in how we look at things.

I remember several years ago, when I was on some nasty medications for about a year. Life was miserable in ways that I will spare you the details of, but after a few months of it, I started to get real down because of the appearances of my life. I happened to stumble upon a class where one of the people speaking was talking about God in the form of Krishna and was saying that when we feel like absolute crap, thank God. Needless to say, at the time I thought he was nuts and completely full of it. When I actually sat down one particularly tough day and said "God, I don't know what I did to deserve this condition, but by your mercy, I am only having to deal with this much of it instead of what I probably deserve." After a while, when I went from BS'ing myself about it and actually meant it, I actually ended up feeling better than I had in weeks, if not months.

Like I have written before, it's perspective and what we attract by what we focus on. Try it sometime.