Good Days that Hurt...

For the most part, I love life.

Life is such a wonderful gift from God, if you believe in He/She/It/Is, and for those that don't it's an amazing trick of entropy that I could spend several eternities thanking random chance since it is obvious that I won that lottery. (We'll talk about California Lotto later)

But there are days, strangely, they are the days that I truly become convinced that there has to be something behind it, something greater and apparently far wiser than I could ever hope to be behind it all.

Is it God? Is it a super-intelligent being that actually knows the purpose for all that is happening and is either taking one hell of a crap-shoot with creation or has the great hope that since it came from perfection that it must eventually (that can be an awfully long time) return to the source from which it came, perfection.

In the Sanatana-dharma, or as most westerners call it: Hinduism, there is a story of Mother Maya. Mother Maya is the manifestation of creation and she loves her children, us. She feels for us because she knows the pain that she must inflict upon her children so that they may learn and eventually grow beyond her. As with all parents, that is her hope, that her children should surpass her.

The interesting part of days like this for me is that though my heart aches to see the pain that we create for ourselves and for others. I weep to feel the hardness of the hearts of men and I sometimes wonder if I wish to continue on my path towards whatever it is I and everyone else truly is.

There is an old adage that says "ignorance is bliss" and I can agree with that at times, the bliss of sleep is something I sometimes wish for, if only for a moment. But then I awaken to the fact that unless I wish to condemn myself to that sleep of illusion and lies, I have to be willing to awaken and go through the pain.

The pain is an illusion as much as everything else, it's an illusion we create by denying the truth of who and what we are. Because part of our awakening is to become intimately aware that we are all part of the whole, without any part, no matter how small, the whole is not whole, how could it be.

So today my heart is open, my soul is free and I feel the pain that my fellow students are going through. As much as I want to shake them awake, I know that I can only help those who want to be awakened, many are not ready or willing, to them I will wish peace and joy in whatever measure they can handle.

So today is a good day and strangely, it is a day that is likely to hurt, but it is in the depth of that pain, that compassion for my friends, family and the rest of creation, that I know that I have Spirit and that I am getting closer to truly being in Spirit at every moment.