Sparing the Rod

I was reading a personal ad earlier by a young man looking for a partner in life and he wants to have children. He comes from a more traditional background and spent part of his ad discussing his beliefs in child-rearing and specifically mentioned the following;

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
There seems to be an assumption in today's world that this, and other similar verses, are a justification for spanking, hitting or beating children, it is not.

One of the things we forget about in trying to understand the scriptures of the world is often to put them into cultural context so that we can make heads-or-tails of the metaphors that are used. In the case of the Hebrews the predominate metaphor is that of a shepherd and his flock.

When a shepherd uses his rod to guide the flock, it is not about beating the livestock, but about putting a barrier in front of, prodding and maybe an occasional tapping at most. When my cats attempt to get into what I am eating, I often take my hand and put it between them and their object of interest. They are not particularly fond of it, one occasionally hisses at me for a moment, but it supplies guidance to where they may or may not be.

Children need guidance from their parents, it is how they are kept safe and taught what is and is not acceptable behavior. I find that more than spanking a child one can talk with, not at, them and the child learns.

The biggest place that I find most parents losing the game is through a failure of consistency. I so often hear parents set a barrier for their children and then not follow through, children are a lot brighter than we often assume. I hate to say it, but children learn how to manipulate their parents very early, it is part of the early stages of learning to communicate so it is not as bad as it sounds.

So when we talk about "sparing the rod or spoiling the child" we are talking about what all parents have to do, supply guidance for their children. Discipline is a way of supplying guidance, but physical abuse and beatings are not, remember that!